Andy: Tom, I need protection.
Tom: Are we talking condoms or guns?
Andy: No, I need... you have guns?
Tom: I dunno, you have money?

Travis: That thing's on you like a bear trap. Is there at least a zipper so you can go to the bathroom?
Andy: I don't have to go anymore...
Travis: What?
Andy: What?

I used to make fun of them, but now I get goth kids. Life is pain. Pain is life. The Cure rules!

Sometimes doing the hard thing gets you where you need to be.

Jules: Ever since I got back from Hollywood I've turned into a real movie slut.
Andy: I think you mean movie buff.
Ellie: No, no she's right, the expression is movie slut - change approved.

Ellie: Stan the bartender?
Andy: We have a son named Stan.
Ellie: Oh, sure sure.

Okay, others may see you as a terrifying hate goblin, but they don't matter I see my fiery hell raiser beautiful wife who loves me more than anything.

Laurie: Zooey Descha-hell-no, what you two need is revenge. If someone hurts you, you hurt them right back.
Jules: Yeah revenge is better I'm in.
Andy: Me too.

Andy: Ellie's just jealous because she thinks I care more about you than her.
Bobby: Do you?
Andy: Yes, it's not even close.

Andy: He's your son.
Ellie: He needs to learn.

Andy: Great, they're grossed out by the thought of us naked.
Ellie: Not us my friend.
Laurie: [Laughing]

Tom: The Bicycle Boys stole my fountain.
Jules: [Gasp]
Grayson: No!
Andy: Come on!
Ellie: Damn them!

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Ellie, I saw Andy's feet...I'm so sorry.
Ellie: No one understands.

Take OFF the mom goggles!

Laurie