Michael: Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today.
Donna: You look exactly alike!
Pam: Oh, no! We're actually married, we're not brother and sister.
Donna: I have a sense about these things.
Jim: Alright!
Donna: You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back!
Angela: I knew it! You should see their baby.

Michael: Was it just me, or did you think we were going to have sex at some point?
Angela: It was just you.

Pam: Why do you need to wear the holster at all?
Dwight: Why do you need to keep wearing those boobie shirts all the time?
Angela: Thank you.

I want pet day back. No dogs.

Angela: Pssst. I'm having relationship problems. And since you're always having relationship problems, I thought you'd be able to give me some advice.
Pam: What's wrong?
Angela: I have this crazy thought, that I know is crazy. That maybe Dwight killed my cat.
Pam: Hmm...
Angela: When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer where Dwight said he left her, but all my bags of frozen french fries had been clawed to shreds.
Pam: Ah.
Angela: Something's not right. The vet's doing an autopsy.
Pam: Angela, I'm sorry.
Angela: Did Roy ever kill one of your cats?
Pam: I'm more of a dog person.

Angela: Yes, that's correct. I need to cancel checks from 10,001 to 90,000.
Oscar: Great, they stole my laptop.
Kevin: Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar: How does that even compare?
Kevin: Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges.

Angela: Are you swallowing them whole? You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue?
Kevin: Yes.
Dwight: Brownies is it? Hm. Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? No thank you, I'll stick with my jerky.
Jim: So why did you come in here?
Dwight: To socialize. And inform.

Angela: What do you want?
Dwight: To give you this.
Angela: Oh, what is that?
Dwight: It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.
Angela: Her name was Sprinkles.
Dwight: And his name is... Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage Don't you Garbage?

Angela: Someone say something.
Stanley: I said something when they were thinking of hiring Jim. Didn't work then. Now look what he's doing to us.

Plan a party, Angela. Oh! And the entire world will see it. Oh! And here's $65.00 for your budget. Oh and here are four idiots who'll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh. And your cat's still dead.

I know that patience and loyalty are good and virtuous traits... but sometimes, I just think you need to grow a pair!

Angela

Angela: I bet she'll eat them right out of your hand with those big strong teeth.
Dwight: Did I tell you about her teeth?

The Office Quotes

Pam: So I closed the door but the image of his...
Jim: Baquette.
Pam: ... dangling participle...
Jim: Eww.
Pam: ... still burned in my eyes.
Jim: I can imagine.

Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News. One was Tracy Chapman, Fast Car. And my personal favorite, Short People.

Darryl