I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit, and I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.


Angela: Hey, come inside and talk to me.
Dwight: I can't! Do you want us to run aground, woman?

Phyllis: Angela, who would you choose? Jim or Roy?
Angela: It's none of our business. Roy.

Jan: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have
Angela: Judging from her attire, Jan aspires to be a whore.

Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine?
Dwight: I want him to have all the urine he needs.

Michael: Alright, how about the Phyllis/Angela dispute?
Angela: You already did me.
Michael That's what she said.

In the Martin family, we like to say, "Looks like someone took the slow train from Philly." That's code for "check out the slut." [swats at a fly] Why are there flies in here?


I know that patience and loyalty are good and virtuous traits... but sometimes, I just think you need to grow a pair!


Angela: It's really happening!
Dwight: Yes.
Angela: We can make a difference here.
Dwight: I will make a difference here.
Angela: You? Alone? 'Cause I thought together we could ...
Dwight: Oh, please, don't be naive. But you could be in charge of the women.

Kelly: Dwight's a freak!

Kelly: Um, Diwali is awesome. And there's food, and there's gonna be dancing. And, oh, I got the raddest outfit. It has, um, sparkles-
Michael: Kelly? Um, why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday?
Kelly: Oh, um, I don't know. It's really old, I think.
Angela: How many gods do you have?
Kelly: Like hundreds, I think. Maybe more than that.
Angela: And that blue busty gal? What's her story?
Kevin: She looks like Pam from the neck down.
Dwight: Pam wishes.

Kevin: [to Angela, who is role-playing as a Jamaican] Do you wanna go to the beach?
Angela: Sure.
Kevin: Do you wanna get high?
Angela: No.
Kevin: I think you do... mon.

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.


Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.