Angela: No, now listen. You can't let what you see here sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. I gotta go. I'll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that! Oh!
Kevin: Oh, the other one's watching.

Kevin: Is that what I think it is?
Oscar: Good God!
Kevin: [gasps]
Oscar: [laughs]
Angela: [gasps]
Kevin: That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady!
Angela: No!
Meredith: Awesome!
Angela: Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad! You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.
Meredith: Yeah, I know fixed; that ain't fixed.
Kevin: No way.

Oscar: You have your cats on Nanny-Cam?
Angela: Yeah. I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, when somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year.
Meredith: She's right. I had my second kid just for the vacation.
Angela: Right. Anyways... I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.
Kevin: Any cat, you mean.
Angela: And person.

Oscar: Where'd you get that kind of money?
Angela: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
Kevin: Wait, you didn't give it back?
Angela: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!
Meredith: Seven grand?
Angela: Mm-hmm.
Meredith: I gotta see that little bitch.

Angela: Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.
Kevin: It... yeah.
Oscar: Angela, you're more chipper than usual.
Angela: I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in 'Meet the Parents.' Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much?
Angela: Seven thousand dollars.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.

If you ever wondered if you were Michael Scott, here's a quiz to help. If you ever put sunblock on a window, you might be Michael Scott.

Kevin: Ladies and gentlemen, even though the penis was fake, I was expecting a second plot twist where we found out Hilary Swank was a boy.
Pam: Kevin!
Angela: Okay, I wasn't going to dignify this discussion by getting involved, but I don't even get the discussion, hot is a temperature people. But Kevin deserves to lose for what he said, so, yes, she's hot, she's hot as heck, she's a female Boris Becker.
Jim: OH!

Jim: Kevin, you know what, why don't you close your eyes? Imagine that Hilary Swank comes into this office for real and she walks over to you and says "Kevin Malone, I just read your online profile and there is nothing I would rather do then make out with you right now." And now you tell me something, is she hot? Does that end the debate?
Kevin: No, it's is she hot, not would you do her. Respect the game.
Angela: Oh my God.

Meredith: She's got mean eyes.
Pam: Have you seen her with her bangs?
Kevin: She looks like a monster.
Jim: Guys, she is a beautiful movie star, so maybe we should just go to work.
Meredith: She is an amazing actress.
Kevin: That is not the question.
Phyllis: She's not hot.
Kevin: Yeah, thank you Phyllis.
Jim: Okay, okay, okay. Why don't we just put this to a vote, and then we'll be done with it.
Angela: I'm not voting.
Jim: No one cares.

Dwight: Come on! Where are you? Let's do this thing! Come on! Come on out!
Angela: [watching from the conference room] I can't believe they're gonna fight over me.
Kelly: I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.

Angela: Standard, you know? Nothing fancy.
Andy: So like, missionary...
Angela: I said nothing fancy.
Andy: Do you love him?
Angela: I love you.
Andy: Why should I believe that?
Angela: Andy, we are at a crossroads here. And we can either give in to what people are saying that we're not good together.
Andy: Who says that?
Angela: Or, we can prove them wrong. Let's prove them wrong.

Andy: How long has it been going on?
Angela: I don't know. I mean, we were together, and then he killed sprinkles, and then we stopped, and... I don't know exactly when we started up again.
Andy: Who else knows about it?
Angela: Michael.
Andy: Who else?
Angela: Let me think about it... I, um... there... [Andy sees everyone watching them]
Andy: Oh God. Come on!

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.


Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.