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Jan: Don't tell me he's really changed since you guys dated.
Pam: Are you joking?
Jan: Well, Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him.
Pam: I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.
Angela: I've noticed how you look at him at the office.
Jan: Mmm.

Jan: [checking the oven] Uh, not even close.
Angela: So you keep a very tidy house.
Jan: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath, whew. But I don't have to tell you Pam.
Pam: No. Yeah. What?

Andy: Tuna! What's up Tuna, we having tuna for dinner? [to Pam] I bet you're sick of tuna right? You probably have tuna every night. Tuna! [to Jan] These are for you. [hands her flowers]
Jan: Oh, how thoughtful.
Michael: Very nice.
Andy: Except for one flower, which is for... my flower.
Jan: Aw.
Angela: What am I supposed to do with this?

Michael: Ok, Dwight grab your stuff, we're going to New York to party with Ryan and to meet girls.
Dwight: Yeah!
Andy: Oh yes! Count me in dudes. I am in some serious need of some bro' time. Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately if you know what I'm saying.
Angela: I'm right here.

Kelly: Can I be your bridesmaid?
Angela: No.

Andy: Angela, will you do me the honor of giving me your tiny hand in marriage?
Angela: ... Okay.
Andy: Into the mic, sweetie.
Angela: I said, okay.
Andy: She said yes! And the crowd goes wild! Woo!

Angela: Hello, Pam.
Pam: Hello.
Angela: Hey. Do you have any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man.
Pam: Um... uh... I'll get back to you.
Angela: Let me know.

Andy: Four! Three! Two! One!
Dwight: Yes!
Andy: Woo!
Dwight: Woo!
Andy: After numerous projections that the computer would crush all salesmen in it's path, I am very happy to report that our very own Dwight Schrute has crushed his electronic nemesis, if you will, by a whopping fifty-two reams.
Dwight: Reams. Wait. Say it. Say it again. Announce it again.
Andy: Fifty-two reams!
Dwight: No no no the first part.
Andy: Dwight has defeated the computer.
Dwight: Hey. So. What do you think? I did it for you.
Angela: I didn't ask you to do it for me.
Dwight: You didn't have to.

Plan a party, Angela. Oh! And the entire world will see it. Oh! And here's $65.00 for your budget. Oh and here are four idiots who'll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh. And your cat's still dead.

Michael: The company is projecting record high sales, and that by 6:00 the website will be the new best salesman in the company. Wow! Watch out Dwight.
Dwight: That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be beaten by a website.
Jim: Actually it sounds like you are.
Dwight: Really? 'Cause Ryan says so?
Kelly: If that's from Ryan, does it mention if he's seeing anybody?
Michael: No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight.
Stanley: Yes, please let us know.
Dwight: I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
Angela: Waste of time.

Dwight: Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles?
Angela: Very much. How's your meat?
Dwight: Dry. Delicious.
Angela: I heard a joke today.
Dwight: Oh, that's funny.
Angela: Yes, it was.
Dwight: Are you enjoying your mineral water?
Angela: I can't do this. I can't be with you. Every time I look in your eyes I see Sprinkles' stiff lifeless body.

Angela: What do you want?
Dwight: To give you this.
Angela: Oh, what is that?
Dwight: It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.
Angela: Her name was Sprinkles.
Dwight: And his name is... Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage Don't you Garbage?

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 127 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael