Angela: Are you swallowing them whole? You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue?Kevin: Yes.
Dwight: Brownies is it? Hm. Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? No thank you, I'll stick with my jerky.
Jim: So why did you come in here?
Dwight: To socialize. And inform.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Angela: [on phone] Hello? Hello?
Andy: What is wrong with you?
Oscar: Why won't you do Andy?
Angela: What?
Andy: That was Oscar and he wants to know why you won't do me and I think it's a valid question.
Angela: Are you drunk?
Andy: This is Andy Bernard!
Angela: I know who this is!
Andy: I wanna take you to sex school.
Angela: What?
Dwight: [on phone] Who is that, Monkey?
Andy: Is somebody there?
Angela: Are you drunk?
Andy: I have needs.
Angela: We will discuss this later.
Andy: Naked.
Angela: What?
Andy: We'll discuss it later naked. I want to see you naked.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dwight: Congratulations on choosing Schrute Farms for your wedding.
Andy: We haven't decided on anything yet. We're still reviewing some options, and it's gonna come down to the numbers.
Dwight: Well, then. Why don't you look over some of our materials?
Andy: Oh. Hmm.
Dwight: [looking at Angela] While I describe to you the Excalibur package. In addition to the breathtaking natural beauty and smell of Schrute Farms, I can promise you that our grounds can be catered to fit your exact specifications. I will work tirelessly for you over the coming months and be at your constant disposal. Please feel free to call or stop by, any time of the day or night.
Andy: That's very generous.
Dwight: While you, my good friend, have nothing more to worry about. This wedding is officially out of your hands.
Andy: Oh, thank the good Lord. Deal!
Dwight: OK.
Andy: Um, what are we talking price wise?
Dwight: You already said deal.
Angela: Pay him whatever he wants.
Andy: Can't argue with that.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy: So it's called the Shangri-La Tent. It's two stories, heated and has a bridal suite for my bridal sweet. It's just really simple, really tasteful.
Angela: I don't want to be married in a tent like a hobo.
Andy: Hobos live in trains.
Angela: Nana Mimi can't be in canvas that long.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Angela: Yes, that's correct. I need to cancel checks from 10,001 to 90,000.
Oscar: Great, they stole my laptop.
Kevin: Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar: How does that even compare?
Kevin: Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy: So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.
Jan: Well, actually, I, uh, I had a tub birth. And it was really, really quite amazing.
Angela: You gave birth in a tub?
Jan: Yeah, it's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.
Kelly: Um, so you're in the tub with everything?
Jan: Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats, yeah.
Creed: Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.
Jan: Oh no, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.
Creed: Ugh.
Stanley: I'm done.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Hello ladies, how's my shower going? Phyllis, did you get the live storks?
Phyllis: No.
Michael: Damnit, Phyllis! I'm sorry. [more softly] Damnit, Phyllis. It was hard enough to convince Jan to come. So are we set for refreshments?
Angela: Per your instructions, we have the personalized M&Ms with the baby names. This is your boy bowl, with the name "Chevy." And this is the girl bowl, with M&Ms with the name "Astird."
Phyllis: That can't be right.
Angela: Michael wrote down "Astird."
Michael: She said it is the name of a Viking princess. So...
Meredith: Ass...turd.
Michael: I know. I know. It is beautiful.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy: Ang. Ela. [sings] Ella, ella, ella. Under my Angerela. Ella, ella, ella. Ay, ay-
Angela: What?
Andy: Hey, check it out. [hands her a brochure] This is The Breakers, Newport, Rhode Island. Huge, awesome gorgeous mansion overlooking the Atlantic. And my dad went to Cornell with the current groundskeeper.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jan: Don't tell me he's really changed since you guys dated.
Pam: Are you joking?
Jan: Well, Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him.
Pam: I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.
Angela: I've noticed how you look at him at the office.
Jan: Mmm.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jan: [checking the oven] Uh, not even close.
Angela: So you keep a very tidy house.
Jan: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath, whew. But I don't have to tell you Pam.
Pam: No. Yeah. What?
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 101
