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Parks-and-recreation

Ann: Man, this is tough.
Leslie: Yeah, but just think of all the kids that'll swing on this swing. Fat kids, skinny kids, brainiacs, sluts, the gay drama kids, goths, jocks, the alternative crowd.
Ann: Mmm hmm.

Leslie: Let's look at the pros and cons.
Ann: Pro, we can fill in the pit and build a park.
Leslie: Con, we might be filling it in with dirty money.
Tom: Pro, $35,000 worth of dirty money.
Leslie: Con, not quite sure why that's a pro.
Mark: We can fill in the pit.
Leslie: Con, Ann already said that. Pro and con never works.
Tom: Pro, yes it does.

Leslie: I'm gonna return the money.
Tom: Are you crazy? You could buy a low-end Lexus with that money.
Ann: Or you could build a park with that money.

Ann: What are you up to?
Leslie: Just looking up scandalous information about my co-workers for a game we're playing.
Ann: My taxes pay your salary right?
Leslie: Yeah?
Ann: Cool.

Leslie: What if he shows up with another woman? What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly. What if instead of tic tacs I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?
Ann: Those are all insane hypotheticals and I promise you they won't happen.
Leslie: They have happened. All of these have happened to me. Uh, no, there's more. One time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine. Once I went out with a guy who wore 3-D glasses the entire evening. Oh, one time I rode in a sidecar on a guy's motorcycle, and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. Another time I went to a really boring movie with a guy and while I was alseep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literaly woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that but then he got weird.

Ann: You're 20 minutes late. I almost left.
Leslie: Well, I was, dropping my niece off.
Ann: What's your niece's name?
Leslie: Torple. What? I don't know. That's not a name. I don't have a niece. My niece's name is Stephanie?

Leslie: Let's begin our conversation.
Ann: What's on the note cards?
Leslie: They're possible topics of conversation.
Ann: Whales. Parades. Electricity. And the rest are blank.
Leslie: Yeah, well I couldn't think of anything else.

Leslie: Do you have like a first-date outfit I could borrow? Like, I don't know, a pair of cargo pants?
Ann: Yeah I wouldn't go with the cargo pant.
Leslie: What about like a sexy hat?
Ann: I don't even know what that is.
Leslie: Helping already.

Leslie: And he didn't know who Madeliene Albright was.
Ann: Who?
Leslie: Not you too. Madeline Albright, first female Secreatary of State.
Ann: No, I mean who didn't know?

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