It's really hard to say congrats without sounding sarcastic.

Oh my God, this magic marker smells like cherries.

Ann: You just hired me like eight seconds ago.
April: Wow, you're doing a really bad job.

Leslie: See there's more things to look at on the internet other than naked guys Ann.
Ann: What?

Leslie: Ben, my campaign manager and I, have made a decision.
Ann: We've decided to fire that campaign manager, me.
Leslie: And hire you.

Ron: Ben and a much larger Ann. She definitely loves Ann.
Ann: Awwwww.

Just put your damn candy out!

Donna: So, I made my desk out of silver M&Ms, but they do not make silver M&Ms so I spray painted them.
Ann: Okay, so those are poisonous, so no one eat them.
Andy: Yeah, duh!
Ann: Go throw up.
Andy: I didn't eat any.
Ann: Go throw up.

Leslie: Ann, I need you to text me every thirty seconds that everything is going to be okay.
Ann: Okay!
Leslie: [Phone rings] Thanks Ann!

I bought this Mackerel at the Supermarket. I've been standing in the water with the fish on my hook for 30 minutes. I saw it on an episode of I Love Lucy. Pathetic? Maybe, but it feels pretty good to have a bunch of little boys be super in to me. That came out wrong.

Chris: Ann Perkins you really know your testes!
Ann: ...thank you?

Leslie: Do you need to get that?
Ann: No, it's just penises.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Ron

Leslie: It is nice to see you again.
Ben: Are you talking to my butt?
Leslie: Yes.