Tom: That looks like something a death row convict would make in art therapy.
Ann: Dude, I tried.
Tom: And you failed.

I'm a terrible artist. But the Parks Department has done so much for me, that if I can help them out in any way I will. Oh god. Maybe I should just give them all free flu shots.

Ann: That looks like something you would find on the wall of a serial killer.
Leslie: In a way, that's a compliment. Shows dedication.

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's just the best. And I don't have to work! Hey slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens... pump your own stomachs this year!

Leslie, the man lived in a pit. OK, he couldn't find a place to live on the Earth's surface so he went under the ground. You're dealing with a grown man who thinks like a gopher.

Andy [about Mark]: I don't get it. What does he have that I don't have?
Ann: Are you serious?
Andy: Yeah.
Ann: Everything. He has literally everything you don't have. A job, a car, a steady income, an address, a second pair of shoes, table manners, the ability to say tampon without giggling.

Ann: We should have checked before to see if you were... home.
Andy: Oh no, I told you. I moved out of the pit. I decided to go back because I forgot my headphones. And I laid down on this really comfy tarp, I saw this old cereal box I hadn't read before so I must have drifted off.

Andy: I thought I'd give back to those less fortunate than myself.
Ann: You live in a pit.

Ann: Man, this is tough.
Leslie: Yeah, but just think of all the kids that'll swing on this swing. Fat kids, skinny kids, brainiacs, sluts, the gay drama kids, goths, jocks, the alternative crowd.
Ann: Mmm hmm.

Leslie: Let's look at the pros and cons.
Ann: Pro, we can fill in the pit and build a park.
Leslie: Con, we might be filling it in with dirty money.
Tom: Pro, $35,000 worth of dirty money.
Leslie: Con, not quite sure why that's a pro.
Mark: We can fill in the pit.
Leslie: Con, Ann already said that. Pro and con never works.
Tom: Pro, yes it does.

Leslie: I'm gonna return the money.
Tom: Are you crazy? You could buy a low-end Lexus with that money.
Ann: Or you could build a park with that money.

Ann: What are you up to?
Leslie: Just looking up scandalous information about my co-workers for a game we're playing.
Ann: My taxes pay your salary right?
Leslie: Yeah?
Ann: Cool.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!


Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.