I need Purell for my brain.

It's like prom queen! You wear a sash, and there's a vote, and if you win, they put a crown on your head, and I'm so jealous, Britta, I want to murder you! Aren't you excited?

Shirley: I hated Sam and Diane.
Annie: Who are Sam and Diane?
Shirley: Okay, we get it. You're young!

Annie: When you found out I was Jewish, you invited me to a 'pool party' that turned out to be a Baptism.
Shirley: Well excuse me for trying to sneak you into Heaven.

Mornin' boys. I'm Annie Edison, but people call me Psycho because I had a nervous breakdown in high school. My partner's a Christian housewife.

That African American police chief character Abed was playing is right, we should have worked as a team.

Star Burns doesn't do very much. I guess fascinating people don't grow shapes on their faces.

Annie: I want to be security.
Shirley: Let's do it together, we can be partners.
Abed: That's a buddy cop movie I would watch. Which one of you would be the by-the-books cop and which of you would be the bad ass?
Shirley: Oh, Abed, you're so silly. I'd be the bad ass.

Annie: How much effort am I worth?
Jeff: I'd break a light sweat.

It's just like the Notebook, only instead of Alzheimer's, Abed has ... someone who likes him.

Annie: I'd like to have a preliminary pow-wow, or prelimawow, about what I'm calling our library's back-door conumdrum.
Abed: Sounds like a porno with Kate Winslet.

If this article breaks out, I can apply for journalism scholarships. Nobody will care about my time in rehab if they think I'm a writer!

Community Quotes

Jeff: Everyone on this campus is nuts
Leonard [in pool]: Not me!
Jeff: Oh come on Leonard, if you're going to argue with me, put on a bathing suit
Leonard: Busted

I've loved you since there was only one Soviet Union and one Damon Wayans.

Andre