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The text message was sent exclusively to black students, and one French kid named LeBron.

Chang: I have finished grading everyone's finals and all of you are moving on.... except for Jeff. Turns out you, pause for dramatic effect, will be seing me next semester.
Annie: Nooooo!
Chang: In Spanish 102! Because he passed and I'm the only Spanish teacher.
Annie: Yay! I meant about Jeff passing. You being our Spanish teacher? Eh.

Annie: Shirley, you are a guilt machine
Pierce: And annie knows a thing or two about guilt, am I right Jew?
Annie: Say the whole word.
Pierce: Jewey?
Troy: You would never catch a Jehovah's Witness saying "jewey."
Pierce: It comes with the birthday cake you never got.

Shirley: I never knew you were a Jew.
Annie: I'd say the whole word next time.

Shirley: I made you all a little gift because you're like my new family.
Annie: WWBJD?
Pierce: If it stands for "What Would Billy Joel Do?", I'll tell you right now, he'd write another crappy song.
Troy: Yeah, in your face Billy Joel.
[Troy mouths who is that to Annie, who mouths back I don't know]
Shirley: It stands for "What Would Baby Jesus Do?"

The dean is counting me on. I have to make sure he knows someone he can trust. We have to break into his office.

Jeff [reading cookie]: You got AIDs, unless you go to the Greendale STD fair.
Annie: I wrote that.
JefF: Congratihorrible.

Well guess what, handsome hobo. Your gravy train's leaving the station.

Annie [to Jeff]: You have to get Chang to call off some of this homework. You're the one with the silver tongue.
Pierce: Yeah, go tongue Chang.

Annie: Are you breaking up with the group?
Jeff: If that's what you want. [walks away]
Pierce: I've been divorced seven times. Turns off your cell phones and bury all your money in the backyard.

Annie: What's wrong?
Jeff: There's this weird pain right above my eyebrow.
Annie: It's called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

Jeff: Are you trying to get formidable on me?
Annie: It worked on pierce
Jeff: Infomercials work in pierce

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 92 in total

Community Quotes

Maintenance Guy: Sorry, routine light switch check.
Jeff: That is not a thing!

Stop being meta. Stop taking everything we do and shoving it up its own ass.

Jeff
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