Come on, $22 a pound for rib eye? That's the real crime.

Tony: You need some lady advice.
Tim: I'd rather get a lap dance from a nun.

Tony: Davy Jones. Used to sing with The Monkees.
Ziva: Real monkeys?"
Tony: I envy your brain sometimes.

This was no boating accident.

DiNozzo: We got nothing.
Tobias: I don't like the sound of that.
DiNozzo: [way more enthusiastically] WE GOT NOTHIN'!

Ziva: What do you think Corporal Vega was doing at an empty warehouse?
Tony: I don't know. Why don't you pick the lock and find out?
Ziva: We do not have a warrant.
Tony: This building is foreclosed, which means it's owned by the bank, and since the people own the banks I think technically that means we own the building.
Ziva: Wow.

Ziva: What is that?
Tony: It's a Geiger counter. You can't be too careful.

I mean, sure, Tim, you're kids are going to be smart, but mine have a shot at being really beautiful.

McGee: I was there, too, near the car, you know.
Ziva: We all were.
McGee: But don't let that stop you from thinking about yourself.
Tony: This isn't about me! It's about my little DiNozzo makers! They've been nuked!
McGee: I know!
Tony: Do you?!

First the plague, now radiation poisoning. I'm starting to think someone really has it in for me.

McGee: Hey, in Paris, who got stuck with the couch?
Tony: Me. We flipped a coin.
McGee: Tough break.
Ziva: Why did you just lie to McGee?
Tony: Why did you lie to Nora?

Nora: You are so direct. So honest. So different from him.
Ziva: Tony and I have different approaches.
Nora: You're complimentary. You're sure you two never -
Ziva: No. Positive. Definitely no. Why do you keep on asking about Tony and I?
Nora: You're like me and Daniel. A good fit. Besides, Paris is a romantic city and you two shared a room, so I -
Ziva: I took the couch. Otherwise Tony would have whined the entire flight about his back.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

McGee