Gibbs: Give him an activity. McGee does it for you.
Senior: Junior. You there?
Tony: Hey dad. Listen we'll work on that paper thing but I really need you to do something for me.
Senior: You do?
Tony: Yeah. I need you to re-caulk my tub.
Senior: You mean like a handy-man kind of thing?
Tony: Yeah that's it. Sort of an emergency, I heard it on the news. There's a recall on the caulking I used.
Senior: You're kidding!
Tony: No, no. Causes athlete's foot. Nasty. I know you've got a lot on your mind--
Senior: Oh that's all right. I'll be fine. I can handle it.
Tony: Well thanks a million, dad.
Senior: See you son.
Gibbs: Works like a charm.

Senior: I need to tell you something.
Tony: Oh, you don't need to say anything.
Senior: Look. I've done a lot of things in my life. I've pretended to be better than I am. I've dealt with some pretty shady folks, but son -- I am not a con artist. I am an entrepreneur. The difference between an entrepreneur and a con artist is that an entrepreneur believes in the dreams he's selling. Whether my deals fell through or not, I believed in what I was selling. There. That's the look that Gibbs was talking about.

McGee: Bishop you realize if we'd arrive fifteen seconds earlier we'd both be dead?
Bishop: Aren't you glad I made you stop for coffee McGee?
Tony: He's venti grateful.

McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.

Tony: We can handle it.
Gibbs: What?
Tony: Bishop and I can handle the interviews. It might be better.
Gibbs: Better? What's better, DiNozzo? What are you trying to say? Spit it out.
Tony: Well your bedside manner might be....you might be too close to this.
Ducky: He's saying take a breath, Jethro! It's good advice for all of us.

Bishop: Well, family first. Not to mention your brave suggestion. He might just be too close.
Tony: Are you mocking me?
Bishop: Well, he obviously took it to heart.
Tony: Okay. Number one - that's adorable. And number two - Gibbs would never bail on a case much less a Sergei case much much less at my suggestion.
McGee: Unless he had a plan.

Bishop: So. Military school, huh?
Tony: So. Yeah.
Bishop: Uniforms, PT, drills....
Tony: Those are all things that happen at military school, yes.
Bishop: How'd you end up there?
Tony: It was Senior's Hail Mary - trying to straighten me out after six boarding schools in four years.

Tony: Okay let's get something straight. You will not - under any circumstances - tell McGee one detail of what you saw at my old school.
Bishop: The only thing I saw was that you were a good cadet and that they respect you.
Tony: Yeah. So let's not go blabbing about it.
Bishop: Why does it bother you? It's part of who you are. You can't ignore the past Tony.
Tony: Just watch me. And not one word or I'll tell McGee that song you sing in the shower.
Bishop: How do you--
Tony: Cheap motel. Thin walls. It's a ridiculous song.

Bishop: It's your past, Tony. And it's a good one.
Tony: I have a tricky relationship with the past. I can either bury it or fixate on it. Still working out the kinks.
Bishop: Well whatever happened in your past helped make you the awesome guy you are today.

Tony: Gibbs and Hollis Mann. Both in the director's office. You know what this means.
Bishop: That she's helping with our case?
Tony: Think bigger picture, Bishop. You know how "on edge" Gibbs has been lately?
Bishop: Well yeah, since Diane's death. He's had a lot on his mind.
Tony: Exactly. And he's not going to talk to us about his feelings and emotions. But Hollis Mann - she speaks his monosyllabic language. She's our Gibbs-whisperer.

Gibbs: Where is Hollis Mann?
Bishop: Uh, I think she went back to the DoD.
Gibbs: You think? What do you mean, you think?
Tony: We've been at this all night. We're all a little tired. Why don't we take a break, get some air.
Gibbs: No, there is no break. There's no breaks until this case breaks.
Tony: Never get personally involved in a case. You're breaking rule number 10 boss.
Gibbs: You're damned right I am DiNozzo. You have a problem with that?

Tony: Mat. Missing a "t" there buddy. Like "doormat"?
Mat: I dropped the second "t" years ago. Life's not about conforming to society's phallic-centric norms. Homemade gluten-free cinammon scones?
Bishop: Oooh.
Tony: No! Are you nuts? Never take cookies or movie advice from a hipster.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.