McGee: That's actually really interesting what he was doing.
Tony: Not really, McNerd. What is interesting is that the fact that his CO says he's been divorced three times, has no friends or family that still talks to him.
Gibbs: Yeah.

Tony: No, I have not had an eye lift.
Woman: I don't believe you. And I would sue if I were you.
Tony: Well there's nobody to sue, because I haven't had it. Wait, why would I sue?
Woman: You tell me, Marty Feldman.

Tony: So the illegal sports book was yours then?
Carver: No idea what you mean. But I'd love to know who exactly you heard it from.
Tony: Well I bet you would, but then, I have a feeling that the same thing would happen to him that happened to the last guy who pissed you off? So....


Tony: Where are we off to, guv?
Gibbs: Quantico. Keep talking with that accent, I'm gonna shoot you

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

Tony: Thinking about visiting my ancestral home, England.
Gibbs: Why the sudden interest, DiNozzo?
Tony: I've been thinking about family a lot. I mean all I have is Senior, really. He's not getting any younger. I don't have anyone else. The way things are going I don't see kids in my future. So, I don't know. Guess I'm searching for a sense of belonging.

Take the pictures down Tim. It's rude.

Gibbs: You think you know everything DiNozzo. You don't.
Tony: I'm just trying to protect you here.
Gibbs: You know why you got sidelined? This.
Tony: This?
Gibbs: This isn't about me. Take care of your team. Do your job. Keep your head in the case. Keep Mitch's family tree to yourself.

Tony: Hernandez was a small time dealer in a big cartel, and he may have pulled the trigger, but he didn't make the big decisions. Long was his boss.
Gibbs: What about it?
Tony: What do you mean "what about it?" This is personal for you, Gibbs. You and Mitch. You want revenge for your families. But what does that mean? Are you going to put a bullet in Long's head the way you did to Hernandez?
Gibbs: I'm going to tell you this one time. We're going to get Long on good evidence. This is above board. Do you understand what I just said?
Tony: I understand if you let Mitch get dirty, you get dirty too.
Gibbs: No, no no - we agreed. This is above board.
Tony: Then what is he doing right now? Where is he?
Gibbs: I just talked to him. He's at his hotel. We're going to start fresh in the morning.
Tony: No. He lied to you. We just pinged his phone. He's at Long's place.

McGee: Where are you going?
Tony: I'm done taking orders. Are you coming?

Gibbs: Where are you, DiNozzo?
Tony: What do you mean? I'm right here, where I always am.
Gibbs: Well then let me ask you something. Is that what you want?
Tony: Do I want to be here? Yeah. I wouldn't be, if it wasn't what I wanted.
Gibbs: Years ago you had a shot at your own team. You turned it down.
Tony: Yeah that was my decision.
Gibbs: You want to be a leader, or not?
Tony: You mean do I want to be you?
Gibbs: The day I joined all I had was a reason. Things change. Reason stays the same. It's always with me. Never leaves.
Tony: Shannon and Kelly.
Gibbs: Either you got a reason or you don't.

Budd: Come to make the day more exciting, have you?
Tony: Oh yeah. Shooting you in the chest at close range, and a little dim sum...perfect day.
Budd: Well. By all means.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.