Anthony (Tony) DiNozzo Quotes
Trust us, Bishop. The Abby dating world is a vortex you do not want to get sucked into. Sometimes it's complicated. Just let Abby be Abby.
- Permalink: One rule for Abby, another for Tony
Tony: He followed me, for like two blocks. I couldn't just shut the door on him.
McGee: I thought you didn't like cats.
Tony: I don't. I gave the landlord 48 hours to find him another place to live, or his furry ass is out on the street.
- Permalink: Kitty sets up his home base.
Tony: You know, being in here, surrounded by one man's quest to find his friend and give him a proper burial....it's really made me think about the importance of friendship.
McGee: Wow. Thanks Tony.
Tony: Oh not you.
McGee: This is the cat you found.
Tony: Yeah. Rick Blaine. I named him after Humphrey Bogart's character in Casablanca, because of the furry tuxedo.
McGee: You named him?
Tony: Yeah. I'm going to keep him. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
- Permalink: Here's looking at you, kitty.
McGee: She doesn't want to wear a costume.
Tony: What? Are you insane? For the love of all that is holy, probie - let's get with the program. Abby takes this holiday very seriously. You deviate from the plan, you pay the consequences. Tell her, McGee.
McGee: Halloween 2007, I told Abby I didn't want to carve a pumpkin.
Tony: He's still waiting for the other one to descend.
- Permalink: Halloween is kind of Abby's thing.
Bishop: What about Chris in HR?
Tony: Nah. Too judgmental. She never laughed at the emails I sent her.
McGee: That's because they were offensive.
Tony: See? Too judgmental.
Bishop: What about Erica from accounting? What went wrong there?
Tony: Cats. They were all named Mr. Darcy.
Bishop: Don't you think you're being a little picky?
Tony: Well, there's a lot of fish in the sea.
McGee: Not at the rate you've been fishing.
Tony: What can I say, McGee? Women find me alluring.
- Permalink: Tony's emptying the dating pool.
Gibbs: You know her?
Tony: Um, well I..in a sort of...yeah. She's Philly PD.
Keates: She was. She's ATF now. Special Agent Zoe Keates. You want to get that gun out of my face and come over here and give me a hug?
- Permalink: In which we learn that Tony's nickname is Spider.
Keates: If there was ever any indication that he or his family were any danger we would have stepped in.
Gibbs: His wife's dead. Think you missed your cue.
Keates: Okay look here, John Wayne. You don't come into my house and accuse me of not doing my job.
Tony: Okay why don't we just settle down, back it up.
Keates: Like hell. I am damned good at what I do. I'm also professional enough to admit when I've made a mistake but only when I've made one.
- Permalink: Annie Oakley versus John Wayne.
Burton: Isn't this a pleasant surprise. And who might you be?
Tony: I'm very special Agent Tony DiNozzo.
Burton: I do love Italian.
- Permalink: I do love Italian.
Abby: I know you, Tony. The real you. And the fake happy front you put up you.
Tony: Oh come on. I am a happy dude. I mean I like, radiate happiness. That song "Happy"?
Abby: That's baloney. This whole random act of dating schtick? Nobody's buying it, okay? We know you're lonely, and we no why. Ziva. Say it. Ziva.
Tony: Come on. I can say it. I know her name. Ziva.
Abby: Okay then let's stop dancing around this whole thing, okay - we all miss her. I love Ziva but she left us. She's gone. And it hurts, and it sucks but that's reality. We have to face it.
Tony: I have faced it, many many times. She said no, she didn't want to come back. That's that. I have moved on from it.
Abby: But you haven't moved on from her. And you can't keep putting your life on hold waiting for her to show up, because she probably never will.
Tony: I know. Doesn't make it any easier. The truth is: I miss my friend.
Abby: You have friends here too, Tony, don't forget.
Tony: I know. Thanks Abby.
- Permalink: Abby addresses the year old elephant in the room.
Tony: Now look. Gibbs isn't there, me neither. Listen, McGee - you're the boss now.
McGee: Me? Whoa, whoa. Tony....
Tony: Don't mess it up.
- Permalink: Don't mess it up.
Bishop: You don't have the change the subject. I'm not the sex police.
Tony: Kind of you are.
Bishop: Um, hello? I'm married. I have more sex than the two of you combined.
Tony: From what I hear that's not how that works.
- Permalink: From what I hear that's not how that works.
SecNav: Director Vance, Special Agent Gibbs and DiNozzo, I'd like you to meet FBI Special Agent Pendergast. She will be your partner for the duration of this case.
Pendergast: Pleased to meet you.
Tony: Ah. Okay.
- Permalink: Ah. Okay.
McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.
- Permalink: Abby's highly-specific rules for dating
McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
- Permalink: Tony doesn't want to meet Zoe's parents.