Gibbs: Give him an activity. McGee does it for you.
Senior: Junior. You there?
Tony: Hey dad. Listen we'll work on that paper thing but I really need you to do something for me.
Senior: You do?
Tony: Yeah. I need you to re-caulk my tub.
Senior: You mean like a handy-man kind of thing?
Tony: Yeah that's it. Sort of an emergency, I heard it on the news. There's a recall on the caulking I used.
Senior: You're kidding!
Tony: No, no. Causes athlete's foot. Nasty. I know you've got a lot on your mind--
Senior: Oh that's all right. I'll be fine. I can handle it.
Tony: Well thanks a million, dad.
Senior: See you son.
Gibbs: Works like a charm.

Senior: I need to tell you something.
Tony: Oh, you don't need to say anything.
Senior: Look. I've done a lot of things in my life. I've pretended to be better than I am. I've dealt with some pretty shady folks, but son -- I am not a con artist. I am an entrepreneur. The difference between an entrepreneur and a con artist is that an entrepreneur believes in the dreams he's selling. Whether my deals fell through or not, I believed in what I was selling. There. That's the look that Gibbs was talking about.

McGee: Bishop you realize if we'd arrive fifteen seconds earlier we'd both be dead?
Bishop: Aren't you glad I made you stop for coffee McGee?
Tony: He's venti grateful.

McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.

Tony: We can handle it.
Gibbs: What?
Tony: Bishop and I can handle the interviews. It might be better.
Gibbs: Better? What's better, DiNozzo? What are you trying to say? Spit it out.
Tony: Well your bedside manner might be....you might be too close to this.
Ducky: He's saying take a breath, Jethro! It's good advice for all of us.

Bishop: Well, family first. Not to mention your brave suggestion. He might just be too close.
Tony: Are you mocking me?
Bishop: Well, he obviously took it to heart.
Tony: Okay. Number one - that's adorable. And number two - Gibbs would never bail on a case much less a Sergei case much much less at my suggestion.
McGee: Unless he had a plan.

Bishop: So. Military school, huh?
Tony: So. Yeah.
Bishop: Uniforms, PT, drills....
Tony: Those are all things that happen at military school, yes.
Bishop: How'd you end up there?
Tony: It was Senior's Hail Mary - trying to straighten me out after six boarding schools in four years.

Tony: Okay let's get something straight. You will not - under any circumstances - tell McGee one detail of what you saw at my old school.
Bishop: The only thing I saw was that you were a good cadet and that they respect you.
Tony: Yeah. So let's not go blabbing about it.
Bishop: Why does it bother you? It's part of who you are. You can't ignore the past Tony.
Tony: Just watch me. And not one word or I'll tell McGee that song you sing in the shower.
Bishop: How do you--
Tony: Cheap motel. Thin walls. It's a ridiculous song.

Bishop: It's your past, Tony. And it's a good one.
Tony: I have a tricky relationship with the past. I can either bury it or fixate on it. Still working out the kinks.
Bishop: Well whatever happened in your past helped make you the awesome guy you are today.

Tony: Gibbs and Hollis Mann. Both in the director's office. You know what this means.
Bishop: That she's helping with our case?
Tony: Think bigger picture, Bishop. You know how "on edge" Gibbs has been lately?
Bishop: Well yeah, since Diane's death. He's had a lot on his mind.
Tony: Exactly. And he's not going to talk to us about his feelings and emotions. But Hollis Mann - she speaks his monosyllabic language. She's our Gibbs-whisperer.

Gibbs: Where is Hollis Mann?
Bishop: Uh, I think she went back to the DoD.
Gibbs: You think? What do you mean, you think?
Tony: We've been at this all night. We're all a little tired. Why don't we take a break, get some air.
Gibbs: No, there is no break. There's no breaks until this case breaks.
Tony: Never get personally involved in a case. You're breaking rule number 10 boss.
Gibbs: You're damned right I am DiNozzo. You have a problem with that?

Tony: Mat. Missing a "t" there buddy. Like "doormat"?
Mat: I dropped the second "t" years ago. Life's not about conforming to society's phallic-centric norms. Homemade gluten-free cinammon scones?
Bishop: Oooh.
Tony: No! Are you nuts? Never take cookies or movie advice from a hipster.

NCIS Quotes

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

McGee

Abby: It's okay. Breena's fine. Breathe. Good. Now hurry up and get to the hospital because Breena is in labor.
McGee: Jimmy? Did you hear what she said? She just said Breena's having a baby. I think you broke him.