SecNav: They said no cops. Have you looked in the mirror? You look like an MP, you look like a fed and you look like Sonny Crockett.
Tony: Don Johnson or Colin Farrell?

Tony: So what happened? Gibbs give you the brush-off?
Valeri: I get the sense he thinks I'm the enemy.
Tony: Well you're not. Unless you're one of his ex-wives. Or a lawyer.

Tim's good at his job.

Valeri: Okay, Tim, just please tell him the story already.
Bishop: You haven't heard this story?
Tony: Bishop knows?
McGee: Alright, look. I'll tell you but you can't make fun of me.
Tony: I promise. My word is my bond.
McGee: Well, Val and I were each other's first kiss.
Tony: What does that have to do with the tooth?
McGee: It was allergy season and, well, I leaned in for a kiss. Got a little itch. Turned into a sneeze and I head-butted her.
Valeri: I spent the next few hours at the dentist.
Bishop: Talk about memorable.
Tony: Timothy Farragut McGee. You smooth operator.
McGee: Tony.
Tony: Thank you for honoring me with the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

McGee: Sometimes I think you prefer being alone.
Tony: We all have to live with our decisions, Tim.

Tony: Gibbs, I don't think Abby's heart cakes are edible.
Gibbs: They're tofu, DiNozzo. You keep chewing.

Tony: Remember Max Headroom, Gibbs?
Gibbs: Who?
Tony: From the 80s. Robot-head.

I'm confused. Are you having trouble building a case against me? Do you need the Navy's help?

Katz

Tony: We were hoping, Tiffany, that you could...
Tiffany: Trace this to a particular buyer.
Tony: Good guess!
Tiffany: You're cops. This is evidence. Duh.

McGee: You and Zoe broke up?
Tony: You heard.
McGee: Why didn't you tell me?
Tony: Well the break-up bug's going around. Didn't want you to catch it.

Bishop: We're about to go live. What are you guys talking about?
McGee and Tony: Star Wars.

Sonja: Tony DiNozzo. Why does your name ring a bell?
Tony: I'm kind of a legend in the NCIS world.
Sonja: I don't know anything about that. I transferred from ATF.
Tony: ATF? Ever work with Zoe Keates?
Sonja: Yeah. Training exercises in Georgia. You two are dating!
Tony: Ah. Well that's over now.
Sonja: Well I hope for your sake she ended it, cause that girl was mean on the jujitsu mat.
Tony: I miss that.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott