Anthony (Tony) DiNozzo Quotes
Tony: Oh dad. We gotta talk.
Senior: Me first. I don't know what I was thinking. Of course I know what I was thinking. I was thinking about myself, because I'm selfish.
Senior: Junior, listen. It's taken too long for me to realize that you have to live your own life. I want to be near you. And I'm going to be. But not in your building. You need your space.
Tony: I'd like to disagree with you. But I'm not going to, because you're right. Thanks.
Tony: All right McGee, you've been pouting the whole car ride. Let's hear it.
McGee: Two years, huh?
Tony: I don't want to hear it.
McGee: You've been working on this op for two years and you never said anything.
Tony: Well, it was, what do you call it? Oh yeah. Classified.
McGee: Oh come on. How many times have I hacked classified data and shared it with you?
Tony: Forty-seven times.
McGee: Yeah, it's---you know what, that's probably right. But you prove my point.
Tony: Which is?
McGee: I can't trust you anymore.
McGee: How do I know you're not working on another secret op?
Tony: How do I know you're not working on another secret op? Are you working on another secret op? McGee.
McGee: Hurts, doesn't it?
Bishop: So who's briefing Gibbs?
Tony: Not me. I need a moment.
Bishop: For what?
Tony: I may have intimacy issues.
Bishop: Well tonight I was thankful for that.
Bishop: By all means, stretch your legs, Tim. Keep the monotony out of monogamy.
Tony: By cheating?
Bishop: No. Just words.
Bishop: Harmless practice for later use on your actual flirt. Practice makes perfect. Look, what I'm saying is....
Gibbs: Keep the tool sharp.
Bishop: See, Gibbs knows what I'm talking about.
Gibbs: Ah, I got no idea.
McGee: I don't trust him.
Tony: With Delilah.
McGee: With the case. And frankly that too. I mean they work together, I guess it's possible they're just friendly.
Tony: You want me to speculate?
McGee: No. I mean just because the birds and bees are in the same room doesn't necessarily mean that there's.....pollination.
Tony: Did you pass health class?
Tony: Tim. How many times have you tried to contact Delilah in the last twelve hours?
McGee: Texts? Couple. All right, a dozen. But I only called six times.
McGee: And left messages.
McGee: I know.
Tony: I know you know but you're scaring her. That's not good. Women want the illusion of being chased. They don't want to actually be chased.
Look at me guys. I am doing paper work. Then I'm going to go make some bread with a girl that makes me smile. I'm evolving.
Bishop: So why did Linda leave him?
Tony: She probably got clued into his line of work.
Bishop: I thought he was a businessman.
McGee: Well he calls himself an entrepreneur. But he's kind of more like a head-hunter who finds rich people, by--
Tony: It's okay Tim, you can say it. My dad is a con man.
Bishop: What? But he's so---
Tony: Handsome? Charismatic? Right place, right time? Exactly.
Gibbs: Give him an activity. McGee does it for you.
Senior: Junior. You there?
Tony: Hey dad. Listen we'll work on that paper thing but I really need you to do something for me.
Senior: You do?
Tony: Yeah. I need you to re-caulk my tub.
Senior: You mean like a handy-man kind of thing?
Tony: Yeah that's it. Sort of an emergency, I heard it on the news. There's a recall on the caulking I used.
Senior: You're kidding!
Tony: No, no. Causes athlete's foot. Nasty. I know you've got a lot on your mind--
Senior: Oh that's all right. I'll be fine. I can handle it.
Tony: Well thanks a million, dad.
Senior: See you son.
Gibbs: Works like a charm.
Senior: I need to tell you something.
Tony: Oh, you don't need to say anything.
Senior: Look. I've done a lot of things in my life. I've pretended to be better than I am. I've dealt with some pretty shady folks, but son -- I am not a con artist. I am an entrepreneur. The difference between an entrepreneur and a con artist is that an entrepreneur believes in the dreams he's selling. Whether my deals fell through or not, I believed in what I was selling. There. That's the look that Gibbs was talking about.
McGee: Bishop you realize if we'd arrive fifteen seconds earlier we'd both be dead?
Bishop: Aren't you glad I made you stop for coffee McGee?
Tony: He's venti grateful.