Use the zip ties, Bishop. He's too small for handcuffs.

Tony: Gibbs is tied up.
Bayar: What do you think?
Tony: What do you mean what does she think? Gibbs is tied up, he sent us.
Bayar: I heard you, but I didn't like your answer.
Tony: You don't like my answer or you don't like me?
Bayar: Neither.
Bishop: Gibbs really is tied up. He sends his apologies.
Bayar: You see? She dips it in sugar and all of a sudden it tastes so sweet.
Bishop: Mr. Bayar...
Bayar: Please. Call me Agah.
Bishop: Agah. We'd like to discuss your mother.

If it isn't Jake the snake, who takes the cake, never wakes and bakes and.....I haven't had my coffee yet.

Tony: Well hey there Alfredo. Looks like you traded in your prison jumpsuit, huh?
Bishop: NCIS! Don't move!
Alfredo: Go ahead. Kill me. Get it over with!
Bishop: Why would we do that?
Tony: Alfredo. We're NCIS.
Alfredo: So, like feds can't be bought?
Tony: That's not really our style.
Alfredo: You're not going to kill me?

Tony: You must have had a rough childhood. Normally I would take great pleasure in breaking a clown like you down nice and slow. But considering that you conspired with a terrorist and you are responsible for the torture and murder of a United States Marine, I'm a little pissed off and pressed for time.
Ashmore: Hey good cop. You wanna step in here?
McGee: You're on your own.

Zoe: Should I go home, change first?
Tony: I see no reason to do that. I think you look exquisite.
Zoe: Thank you. I just want everything to go perfectly. To tell you the truth I'm a nervous wreck. I think I've seen Meet the Parents way too many times.
Tony: Well I can assure you my father is nothing like Robert DeNiro.
Gibbs: Come on, come on. Get to work.
Tony: Gibbs on the other hand...

Tony: I've been doing this a little longer than you and I know one thing: we've got to put pressure on them. Trust me.
Zoe: You know, I hate it when someone says "trust me". I immediately don't.
Tony: Are we having our first argument?

Senior: Such an ambitious undertaking by the father, you'd think that the son would show some appreciation.
Tony: I appreciate what you did to my kitchen!
Zoe: You know, I think I should just leave.
Tony: No no no no no no. Don't leave me with Wreck-It Ralph.
Zoe: We can just re-schedule.
Tony: No. Please, Zoe. I told you I wasn't exaggerating. This always happens. Thank God he lives in New York.

Tony: I don't know what I was thinking. I should have never suggested working with Keates. That was not a good idea. I would like to invoke Rule #12: never date a co-worker.

Zoe: You've got to get your lies straight, DiNozzo.
Tony: DiNozzo. You've never gone surname on me before.
Zoe: You've never gone liar on me.

McGee: You guys tell Gibbs where you're going?
Tony: Well I'm senior agent and you're Mcnot. I can take the initiative.

Look at him down there. McGee in the role of black market gun buyer. It's the worst casting since Kevin Costner in Robin Hood.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.