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Parks-and-recreation

Jean-Ralphio: One time I waited outside a woman's house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base. Over the pants.
April: That's so cute.
Jean-Ralphio: Yeah, super cute.

Yes, I am 21 years old today, which is the age that pretty much everyone agrees makes you an adult.

Leslie: So how are things going with you two?
April: They're going really well. We're gonna get married and I'm pregnant with his child.

Citizen: I thought I was having this meeting with Ron Swanson.
April: I'm afraid that Ron Swanson's currently dead.
Citizen: Oh.
April: I'm his daughter, April Swanson. And it's his last wish that I have this meeting with you.

Do you want me to postpone the rest? Or I could set myself on fire and create a diversion.

Ron: To me, this situation is a blood-soaked, nightmare-ish hellscape. However to Leslie Knope-
Leslie: Oh how fun!
April: Yay.

April: I used to play softball.
Andy: I used to play baseball! It's like the boy version of softball.

Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry?

Jerry: I was walking Lord Sheldon.
April: Ew, is that code for some kind of weird sex act?
Jerry: Lord Sheldon is my dog. My wife named him.
April: Ew.

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