His nickname around the office is Softypants McHuggable.

We should sue Jamm's parents for spawning a human turd burger.

Ann: Before I write that letter, you have to spend the week doing everything I say.
April: So what, I have to be your slave or something?
Ann: No, you have to be my friend.
April: Ugh, that's so much worse.

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said to Betty Ford, "Hilary Clinton is great!"

I don't know who Ann Taylor is but I hate her and want to kill her.

April: Let's rock this.
Leslie: April, I love you, but I don't need your sarcasm.
April: I'm serious. Let's get rolling, let's get into some garbage!
(to the camera) What? I love garbage.

April: You know what? I think men are better than women.
Ann: She's kidding.
April: No I'm not. They provide for us and we must obey them because they are our masters.

Future home of Paunch Burger? Start drooling, fatties?

When Andy proposed to me, he gave me a ring pop, but he ate it first. How did Ben do it?

April: Are you busy? And writing Star Trek fan fiction doesn't count.
Ben: Haha. And I finished that last week.

April, Here's something to remind you of our 3 -legged dog chapion. Also, you are way better at laundry. Can you please do mine and send it back to me? Thanks, Mouse Rat rules! Love, Andy. P.S. Please hurry. I've been wearing a bandana for underwear for 3 days now.

Andy: I'll tell you what honey, here's the deal -- you get fired, I'll
quit too. I'm serious. We'll move to a new city, burn our fingertips
off with acid, swap faces...
April: What?
Andy: If we have to.

Parks & Rec Quotes

I hit rock bottom that night. I mean I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. I remember laying there thinking, there's probably a good reason why I'm down here. And then I remember thinking I need morphine.

Mark

You know why tonight is so much fun? Because everyone's so gay. And they know how to have fun, and the dancing ... everyone is just who they are and who they are is just stone cold gay.

Leslie