Favorite Ari Gold Quotes
I don't care if Justin Bieber calls and wants me to negotiate the rights to his virginity, I don't want to talk to him.
Lloyd [about the dog]: Isn't he delicious?
Ari: Find something else to cook for dinner. Jessica is taking him.
Jake: Hi Mr. Gold. I'm Jake Steinberg, HR sent me up to replace your last assistant.
Ari: I don't care. Get me Eddy Kapowski on the phone.
Jake: Uhm, any relation to Kelly Kapowski? You know, Saved by the Bell?
Ari: You're finished. Go. You're fucking fired.
Lloyd: Are you hiding something from me, Ari?
Ari: Only my cock and my asshole, Lloyd
Ari: That's what marriage is for: so you can bang out your anger.
If I could gouge out Terrance McQuewick's eyeballs and eat them for what he did to me, I would. And I would sell that Benedict Arnold Adam Davies into white slavery if we lived in a place that had a market for it. And Lloyd, that little queen, who I welcomed into my home and allowed to play with my children and care for my dogs and who left me for those two scumbags, I would tie him up and let the entire SAG anally rape him if not for the fact he would enjoy it
I always dreamed about ruling the world, but now that I'm getting older I would settle for ruling Hollywood
Ari: I'm in bed E, talk dirty to me.
Eric: It's five o'clock in the morning.
Ari: What are you wearing?
Eric: Fuck you!
Ari: I love it when you say "fuck," say it again.
I'd say "Hug it out," but I don't want you drawing wood.
Tell Drama he's on my to-do-list, right after inserting needles in my cock
Lloyd: I'm family too, aren't I?
Ari: You'll always be the gay son I never wanted, yes Lloyd.
Lloyd: But what will happen to me without you?
Ari: You will shine, Lloyd.
Lloyd: How? You are my inspiration, Ari. I'm still learning to be more like you.
Ari: No, you're not like me and you don't want to be. You're fair and honest and you don't like women.
Listen sweetheart. You wanna call and butter me up with sympathy and then drop this on me because you think that I'm down and will take anything - let me explain this to you in a metaphor you will understand. I am sure there are guys who have fingered you in the ass long enough that eventually you let them fuck it. And now you think you got me bent over with your finger in my ass thinking I will let you do the same. I am not like you Dana. You will not FUCK ME IN THE ASS, VINCE WILL NOT PISS IN A CUP FOR YOU, OR ANYONE ELSE.
