As your friend, I support your strange aversion to fun. But as a directed, I'm concerned.

When a man finds his calling, all is right in the world.

He's never late. He runs like an expensive Swiss watch reproduced cheaply in China.

I really want to give you a standing ovation.

I developed my whole persona around conflict avoidance.

You're the hottest girl in school and I wear saddle shoes on legs that don't work.

Artie: Am I about to lose my virginity?
Brittany: Before our deut, we're gonna do it.

Brittany was the only person we could find on short notice. We bribed her with Dots.

Sam: Everything Bieber does is epic.
Artie: Truth.

Will: Rachel have you ever seen a tackle football game? When they tackle, it hurts.
Artie: And not in a good, Mellencamp kind of way.

Artie: I told my parents I only want one thing for Christmas this year: stop friending me on Facebook.

Is the problem your outfit? You look like a cheerleader zombie corpse.

Glee Quotes

Artie: I thought I was over someone, but I still think I have feelings for them.
Brittany: The Clintons?

I had it all planned out. I was gonna make it big on Broadway and maybe make a Woody Allen movie. And then when we were ready, I would just, come back and he'd be teaching here and I'd walk through those doors and I would just say 'I'm home' and then we would live happily ever after.

Rachel