Barney [after leaving Robin a weird sound on her voicemail]: She wasn't there. I left a voicemail.
Lily: You left a voice, but it wasn't male

Challenge accepted.

Ted: Well after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, I made an impromptu presentation using a four pronged approached that really brought him to his knees
Barney: Hit him with a chair?
Ted: Yep

Asian girls love them some Jews.

Girl: Really, a genie comes out of it?
Barney: Only if you rub it hard enough.

I'm gonna die alone. Ted's gonna be eaten by cats!

Barney: We both like scotch. We're both awesome.
Robin: Maybe that's the problem. Maybe there's just too much awesome here.
Barney: Yes. Two awesomes cancel each other out. I'm tired of being canceled out.

Ted, tonight is gonna be Epic- wait for it...Dary! Wait that's not it, how do I usually say it? Ugh I hate this Quinn girl!

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story

Funny thing, and this is just me, I like my balls attached to my body instead of rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out.

Dude working together is going to be legen- wait for it ...I'll send you an inter office memo with the rest because we friggin' work together!

Lily: Ooo Barney's got feelings for a girl.
Barney: Yeah, penis feelings!

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney