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How-i-met-your-mother

Ted: I should just skip this thing entirely. Robin is still pissed at me after, you know.
Barney: You lied and said you were broken up with Victoria before you actually were, so you could try and nail Robin and you end up losing both girls in one night.
Ted: Yes, that's what I meant by "you know".

Ted: Wha...I don't get it! Why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls?
Barney: Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal "Ohhh..." moment.
Marshall: The "Ohhh..." moment?
Barney: Yeah. That moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal-breaker

[Barney describing deal breakers in flashbacks...]
Girl #1: It's a promise ring. I made a pact with God to stay a virgin till I'm married.
Barney: Ohhhh.....
Girl #2: I don't have an eating disorder, it's just when I put food in my mouth, I chew it and then I spit it out!
Barney: Ohhhh.....
Girl #3: I just turned 30.
Barney: Ohhhhhh.....

Barney: (After being slapped by Marshall) Your hands are monsterous.
Marshall: What did you expect? You've seen my penis.

Robin: Well, it looks like it's gonna be just you and me.
Barney: Really?
Robin: Actually, I was talking to my martini

Robin: No. I thought we're just hanging out as friends.
Barney: Oh, come on. You've been throwing yourself at me all night.
Robin: What? I did the opposite, I threw some other girl at you.
Barney: You invited me up to your apartment to play Battleship. Is that not an international recognized term for sex?

Ted: Yes, on Saturday, after a little wine and a little dancing...
Barney: Alright, they better be making a new gender, because I'm revoking your dude license.
Ted: Yeah, how was that manicure yesterday?
Barney: Invigorating, thanks

Don't beat yourself up. He'll be fine. I mean, the guy's like a billionaire. He can put his platinum card on a fishing line and win ten chicks hotter than you

I mean seriously, Claudia and Stuart? I mean I have hooked up with the odd lass who is beneath my level of attractiveness... but... you know I was drunk. There is no way Claudia has been drunk for three years

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