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Ted, when they serve alcohol at a strip club, you're not allowed to show your vagina.

Barney: Stop pining over Marshall and Lily! Have some self respect. Now put this fiver in your mouth so that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with...
Ted: Barney! I'm allowed to miss them alright? They're my two best friends.
Barney: I'm your two best friends!

Yes! Tonight is gonna be Legen... wait are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut Up Lily I'm in charge now... Dary!

Kevin: Hey guys where are Marshall and Lily?
Robin: Something terrible happened.
Kevin: Are they ok? Are they in the hospital?
Barney: No, somewhere much, much worse...
Marshall: Long Island!

Here's twenty for picking up a girl with only one word and here's another twenty for that word being boner.

So you're pregnant? Huh, looks like nobody told your boobs.

Ted: Sorry dude, we gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets.
Barney: It gets pretty tough.
Ted: I know it does buddy.

A kid needs a pet cobra. Ted don't be pill about this.

I wish men could have children on their own, like seahorses!

Barney: You know what would kick ass?
Ted: Being gay?
Barney: Being gay!

Why wouldn't I be all right? Barney is single again, it's what America has been clamoring for.

Uh lets see, suits, laser tag, I say "wait for it" a lot, that's pretty much it.

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 657 in total

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HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney
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