How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Ted, when they serve alcohol at a strip club, you're not allowed to show your vagina.

Barney: Stop pining over Marshall and Lily! Have some self respect. Now put this fiver in your mouth so that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with...
Ted: Barney! I'm allowed to miss them alright? They're my two best friends.
Barney: I'm your two best friends!

Yes! Tonight is gonna be Legen... wait are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut Up Lily I'm in charge now... Dary!

Kevin: Hey guys where are Marshall and Lily?
Robin: Something terrible happened.
Kevin: Are they ok? Are they in the hospital?
Barney: No, somewhere much, much worse...
Marshall: Long Island!

Here's twenty for picking up a girl with only one word and here's another twenty for that word being boner.

So you're pregnant? Huh, looks like nobody told your boobs.

Ted: Sorry dude, we gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets.
Barney: It gets pretty tough.
Ted: I know it does buddy.

A kid needs a pet cobra. Ted don't be pill about this.

I wish men could have children on their own, like seahorses!

Barney: You know what would kick ass?
Ted: Being gay?
Barney: Being gay!

Why wouldn't I be all right? Barney is single again, it's what America has been clamoring for.

Uh lets see, suits, laser tag, I say "wait for it" a lot, that's pretty much it.

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 657 in total

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney