Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

Ted: Barney, you've really grown up, you know that?
Barney: Thanks, now lets watch our two best friends have sex on tape!

To the outdated viewing device!

Do you think that if we did it...and I did a really good job...that I could turn that into my baby?

Oh God I am so hungover! Oh God, Lily's not wearing a bra!

Get, drunk, of course! Good circling Ted.

Ted, tonight is gonna be Epic- wait for it...Dary! Wait that's not it, how do I usually say it? Ugh I hate this Quinn girl!

Where has this heavenly vehicle been all my life? Can you hear it's inspiring chant Ted? I think I can get laid, I think I can get laid, it's the little engine with wood!

Barney: Come on Robin, it's my penis we're talkin' about! You've seen her, she's magnificent!
Robin: She?
Barney: Every penis is a girl Robin. Everyone knows that, like ships...and lake monsters.

For God's sake Lily, you're pregnant! For God's sake Ted, Lily's pregnant!

Displaying quotes 100 - 108 of 657 in total