How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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So you're the therapist. You know it's one thing to pretend to be a therapist and bang your patients, that's normal, but to do it for real? Little creepy bro.

Barney: Studies show that 83% of all college students desperately need, Sex Lessons!
Ted: Barney these are eighteen year olds!
Barney: Ted, these are eighteen year olds!

It's like watching The Breakfast Club on TBS.

Robin: What's that thing?
Barney: For some it was the ashes of my parents. For others it was the trophy from Wimbledon and believe it or not, for one busty dullard, it was both. Game, enormous set and match!

Lily: Terms, if you can do all that stuff that Marshall just listed off I will let you touch one boob.
Barney: Both boobs!
Lily: Just one.
Barney: Touch and squeeze.
Lily: Just touch.
Barney: Touch and motor boat.
Lily: Just touch.
Barney: Honka honka?
Lily: Barney...
Barney: Just touch
Lily: Just touch.
Barney: For one hour.
Lily: For one second.
Barney: Twenty minutes both boobs.
Lily: Thirty seconds one boob.
Barney: Four minutes, both boobs, three squeezes.
Lily: One minute, both boobs, one squeeze.
Barney: Deal!

Hashtag burn, hashtag your tie is still dumb, hash tag refill!

Ted: Jeez Lily it's like you have a butt on your chest.
Barney: Whoop whoop whoop whoop!

Duck duck gross!

And that concludes all the space related lies. Let's move onto the world of sports. Oh wait sorry, I just thought of another space one. I've been bitten by a moon snake, you need to suck all the space poison out of my...

If I were only casting the White Swan, the role would be yours.

Nines and tens mostly, there was a four once. She was a slump buster, but Nora after that I had a run you would not believe!

Barney: I picked the right tie didn't I?
Ted: You nailed it.

Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 657 in total

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney