So you're the therapist. You know it's one thing to pretend to be a therapist and bang your patients, that's normal, but to do it for real? Little creepy bro.

Barney: Studies show that 83% of all college students desperately need, Sex Lessons!
Ted: Barney these are eighteen year olds!
Barney: Ted, these are eighteen year olds!

It's like watching The Breakfast Club on TBS.

Robin: What's that thing?
Barney: For some it was the ashes of my parents. For others it was the trophy from Wimbledon and believe it or not, for one busty dullard, it was both. Game, enormous set and match!

Lily: Terms, if you can do all that stuff that Marshall just listed off I will let you touch one boob.
Barney: Both boobs!
Lily: Just one.
Barney: Touch and squeeze.
Lily: Just touch.
Barney: Touch and motor boat.
Lily: Just touch.
Barney: Honka honka?
Lily: Barney...
Barney: Just touch
Lily: Just touch.
Barney: For one hour.
Lily: For one second.
Barney: Twenty minutes both boobs.
Lily: Thirty seconds one boob.
Barney: Four minutes, both boobs, three squeezes.
Lily: One minute, both boobs, one squeeze.
Barney: Deal!

Hashtag burn, hashtag your tie is still dumb, hash tag refill!

Ted: Jeez Lily it's like you have a butt on your chest.
Barney: Whoop whoop whoop whoop!

Duck duck gross!

And that concludes all the space related lies. Let's move onto the world of sports. Oh wait sorry, I just thought of another space one. I've been bitten by a moon snake, you need to suck all the space poison out of my...

If I were only casting the White Swan, the role would be yours.

Nines and tens mostly, there was a four once. She was a slump buster, but Nora after that I had a run you would not believe!

Barney: I picked the right tie didn't I?
Ted: You nailed it.

HIMYM Quotes

Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."

Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things...we're done here.

Ted