This isn't just getting laid. This is market research.

Barney: Here's your toast, single file ladies! No fatties!
Ted: That's ridiculous.
Barney: Yeah you're right, it's Cleveland. Single file ladies!

Ted, you want to nail something at this wedding? Lose the Trapper Keeper!

Challenge accepted.

Barney: I got so fat, at the end of the day you'd unhook my bra.
Robin: You were the only boyfriend I ever motor boated.

I wonder what end it's coming out of Lily right now?

New is always better.

Ted: Do you know how many people it takes to change fifty-thousand light bulbs?
Barney: Are these people Irish? Polish? Blondes? What are we dealing with here?

That's how you do an evil laugh! Ciao for now.

Feelin' fine and gettin' some 'Gine

Show me chicken wings!

Jerry: A magician never reveals his greatest trick, but I'll give you a hint. You've gotta meet the right girl. Who knows, maybe you'll meet her tomorrow?
Barney: Maybe I've met her already.