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How-i-met-your-mother

Marshall: Tell him that I might not be able to give him a grandchild? I don't even know how to have that conversation.
Barney: I'll show you. Dad, uh there's something I need to tell you. It's going to come as a bit of a shock. You are speaking to the 2011 Tri County Laser Tag Co Champion.

How you doing Lily? Should I have a boner?

Lily: How did you do it?
Barney: Oh god you found one of the cameras.

I can't give this suit back, I glow in the dark. Ted, I finally glow in the dark!

I'm taking the rest of my bonus to God's strip club.

Velour tracksuits! Remote control helicopters! Condoms! And last but not least there is a fleet of limos outside waiting to take us to...A STRIP CLUB! You get a lap dance! You get a lap dance! You're going to give me a lap dance! Everyone gets a lap dance!

Lily: I'm pregnant.
Barney: I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry force of habit, congratulations!

I am Mr. Charity. I frequently sleep with sixes, chubsters, over thirty's. I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang.

Barney: A Yuletide riddle. What is my second favorite word that begins with B-O-N?
Ted: Bon Jovi?
Barney: What is my third favorite that begins with B-O-N? Buzzer... BONUS!

Who's the eye broccoli?

Lily: Whenever we're alone you spend the entire time undressing me with your eyes, you even take off my shoes.
Barney: High heels chafe my shoulders.

Barney: Told yah, The Mermaid Theory, it's a thing. You owe me five hundred bucks.
Marshall: Did we bet on this?
Barney: Let's say yes.

Displaying quotes 193 - 204 of 657 in total

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney
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