Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

Nora: I'm sorry I've been trying not to stare at your chest all night.
Barney: Hahaha, what's that like?

Cardiologist: What happened at 8:46 PM last night.?
Barney: Well let's see, Wheel of Fortune, naked push ups, naked chin ups... oh I was at dinner.

Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel, because she's got brothers.

Lily: Ooo Barney's got feelings for a girl.
Barney: Yeah, penis feelings!

And I thought Pompeii was smoking.

With great penis comes great responsibility.

I'm Barney Stinson, I don't get smitten, I smite!

We're exes, we're probably due for a back slide, or we could just do it the normal way.

Lily: You should work at a carnival.
Barney: I tried; they're pretty strict with backgrounds.

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