Barney Stinson Quotes
Robin, seriously, I love you, but it's like you have squiggly carton odor lines coming off you right now.
Ted: She's got her shields up anyway; she's reading a book.
Barney: Yeah! At a bar! The book might as well be called Are Ya There Barney? It's Me Horny. That is not what "shields up" looks like. (Enter Robin disheveled) THAT is what "shields up" looks like.
Barney: Oh yeah? Be my guest. Fall in love with her, get married. Just know this, when I step up to make my toast as your best man?
Ted: Actually Marshall will probably be my-
Barney: AS YOUR BEST MAN!!!
Barney: Oh Ted you got your beer label in a bunch over nothing. Listen to your Uncle Barney. You have no reason to be nervous, none whatsoever. And I'm going to tell you why in one word.
Ted: And what's that word?
Barney: DIBS!
Ted: Barney I really have to grade these papers.
Barney: I'm sorry. I'll let you work...But first a riddle! What piece of women's attire stokes a man's desire?
Ted: A sundress.
Barney: Correct. What lightweight outfit pink or white makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight?
Ted: I really have to get this done.
Barney: Of course of course. Sundress by the way.
We've all been searching for the five doppelgangers, right? Well eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. These completely different people who just happen to look like us. Five years ago? That girl was pretty great. But doppelganger Robin? She's amazing.
Ted
Estonia would close out the Baltics!
Kids!? No! Don't have kids! The rule is no kids until you're at least 45. Don't you EVER read my blog? It's gotten a lot better.
Barney: No! Time out! This is a group decision! You can't just move to Chicago unless we all say it's okay!
Ted: Barney, I think this has to be Robin's-
Barney: Stay out of this Brigitte Nielsen or Dolph Lundgren from Rocky IV!
Marshall: But you were the fifth doppelganger! How can you be ... you? I called you, we had a whole conversation, Barney, what happened?
Barney: Ah, yes. I know what happened. People at work have this very strange expectation that I, well, work. I know, I know. So to make my colleagues think I'm busting my hump while I'm really out humping busty chicks, I decided to record a special recording.
Marshall: How can it be a recording, you called me Big Chief, my special workplace nickname?
Barney: Oh, buddy.
You guys bangin'? Keep goin', I'm not even here. But just for the record? Having a baby? Big mistake.
The best baggage is "hates her dad, thinks she's fat when she isn't." Angry sexy on the first date, and by the time you mention breakfast, she's gone! Why do you guys even hang out with me?
