Barney Stinson Quotes (Page 29)
Season 5, Episode 1: "Definitions"
Barney: That, my friends, is the dominator 5000, the best bull whip on the market according to my whip guy. Yeah, I have a whip guy. [makes whip sound]
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 4, Episode 24: "The Leap"
Barney: Say you and I went suit shopping and you happened upon a beautiful suit, a beautiful Canadian suit, double breasted.. mmm... You try it on, but it's not exactly the right fit for you so you put it back. Then I try it on. I don't really want to take the same suit you had your eye on, but at the same time I really like that suit
Ted: Buy that suit Barney. You clearly care about it. Tell the suit how I feel
Barney: Okay. But Ted, remember that was your answer because the suit was Robin...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 4, Episode 23: "As Fast As She Can"
Barney: License and registration?
Lady Cop: Excuse me
Barney: I can only assume you need a license to have a face that beautiful. And that body? I'm guessing something that explosive has to be registered with the proper authorities
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Barney: You, sir, got Stella thinking: "Gosh, Ted seemed so cool today. Did I choose the wrong guy?" Give it a week, you'll get her back. And her front, oh! Did you feel that? I think we just had a "what up?" quake
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Marshall: That's a line from a porno. I've seen that porno. Hell, I've made that porno.
Barney: When will you guys realize that the only difference between my real life and a porno is my life has better lighting?
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 22: "Right Place Right Time"
Ted: 200 is too many
Barney: Oh right, because there can be too many of something wonderful. Hey Babe Ruth, easy big fellah, let's not hit too many homers. Hey Steve Gutenberg, maybe just make three Police Academy movies. America's laughed enough.
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Barney: Petra here, if all goes well, will be my...wait for it 200th! Sorry, I couldn't wait it's all too exciting!
Ted: Your 200th as in...sex with?
Barney: As in sex with. I request the highest of fives.
Ted: Not if I was wearing a hazmat suit.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 21: "The Three Days Rule"
Barney: Jesus waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited ONE day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I DIED yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, THREE. Plus it's SUNDAY, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is DEAD", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Barney: Nice! Girls whose names end in LY are always dirty: Holly, Kelly, Karly... Lily.
Marshall: Hey! Oh, yeah, I know it's true
• Rating: 3.5 / 5.0
Barney: You can't call her, you have to wait three days to call a woman. That's the rule!
Ted: Barney, that rule is completely played out. Girls know exactly what you're doing. Hey I got a new rule, it's kind of crazy, it's called you like her, you call her
Barney: I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I don't speak "I never get laid"
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
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Total Quotes: 554
