How I Met Your Mother

Barney Stinson Quotes (Page 29)

Robin: We watched a movie last night
Barney: It was legen... wait for it... gends of the fall. Not that good.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: He's not a doll, he's a storm trooper
Robin: Then why's he wearing a diaper?
Barney: That's not a diaper, that's protective armor
Robin: More like storm pooper
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney [prerecored on porn tape]: Hello, Ted. If you're watching this tape, and I knew you'd pick this one, you're now in posession of my porn. And this can only mean one of two things: either I'm dead or I'm in a committed relationship. If I'm dead I want you to honor my memory by taking my body to the Hamptons and recreate Weekend at Bernies. I want to dance, go fishing, and I want to have sex with a girl. If on the other hand I'm in a committed relationship, as your best friend I have only one request... for the love of god get me out of it
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Your girlfriend? She's your girl.. friend? She's a girl and a friend? Do not humanize the enemy, Ted.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: There are so many great things to do with the human mouth, why waste it on talking?
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Barney: Robin and I have been keeping track of how many beds we've had sex in. We've had sex in 83 and a half beds
Ted: A half?
Barney: 19th century ottoman in an antique space
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney [about Canadian $5 bill]: There's kids playing hockey on the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Canada's not so bad. If they play their cards right they may even become a state one day
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: ...to prove you are as American as apple pie and the childhood obesity it leads to...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: How do you know the Canadian citizenship test is easy?
Barney: It's Canada. Question one, do you want to be Canadian? Question two, really?
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

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