How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother

Oh my god. I'm eight years old again and life is perfect and I haven't peed my shorts in front of 350 Webelos at the Pine Wood Derby Regionals in Wheeling, West Virginia.

Barney: We're gonna make a great team. We just need some practice.
Robin: Yeah let's prove that we believe in marriage by workin together to help Marshall hide something from his wife!

Lily: I'm not paying for room service The Hooker ordered.
Barney: I've been there.

Alright I'll take a lap dance. Can I borrow some sweatpants?

Barney: Our minister just died.
Robin: We can still use the church but we only have two days to find a new officiant.
Barney: Unless! Wedding at Bernie's!
Robin: We're not doing wedding at Bernie's!

Reverend? More like Neverend. Prayer Five!

Every hookup at a weekend wedding is decided at Friday Night Drinks. Get stuck with the wrong girl, the only action you'll be getting all weekend is a self five and I don't mean the cool kind.

The Bro Code has been around for centuries. Nay, whatever's more than centuries.

Ted: So, you are mad about me and Robin holding hands.
Barney: Of course I'm mad Ted. Holding hands is like the fourth grade equivalent of banging. Well in your case, twelfth grade. Self five!

Ted: Billy Zabka's your new best man?
Barney: He's the best, around. Sorry Ted, maybe next wedding.

Robin: I can't believe my great grandparents still do that
Barney: And I never imagined a walker being used for anything other than walking.

Barney: You avoiding the family too?
James: I'm gay, I'm black and I'm getting a divorce. Those walking skeletons are gonna have more questions for me than their pharmacists.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 657 in total

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney
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