How I Met Your Mother

Barney Stinson Quotes (Page 30)

Barney: The things I know about this company, I'll never be fired. There's a chance I'll wash up on shore with no identifiable finger prints or teeth
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney [about his infected piercing]: My ear hurts so bad I can hear it. I can hear my own ear!
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Barney: Laser tag knows no age restrictions, much like stripping in the Midwest
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: What is an ETR?
Barney: It's an Employee Transition Room.
Ted: What does that mean?
Barney: Well, it's a space where a supervisor and an employee engage in a knowledge transfer about an impending vocational paradigm shift.
Marshal: People get fired here
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Lily [about Canadian sex acts]: How do you know all these?
Barney: Canadiansexacts.org. It's bookmarked on the top right.
Marshal: Dot org?
Barney: Yeah, it's not for profit. They really just want to get the information out there
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Well after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, I made an impromptu presentation using a four pronged approached that really brought him to his knees
Barney: Hit him with a chair?
Ted: Yep
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: If I could nail any celebrity it would definitely be Scarlett Johansson. Hot, talented and nobody does that many woodie allen movies without some serious daddy issues
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: So you're this comfy every night and Lily still has sex with you?
Marshall: Yeah, that's what marriage is all about, man. Unconditional love. You can wear whatever you want and still get laid
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Barney: ...a hug is just like a public dry hump
Marshall: I think you're hugging wrong
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily [to Marshall]: Hey you want to go do it in Barney's childhood bed again?
Barney: My race car bed?
Marshall: It handles great buddy
 • Rating: Unrated

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