How I Met Your Mother

Barney Stinson Quotes (Page 36)

Barney: I've lost 10 pounds. My suits are wearing me
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: I'm not scared.
Marshall: Then why is your right cheek twitching?
Barney: I'ts not.
Marshall: Maybe it's because future me slaps future you so hard, it reverberates back to the present, shattering the Time-Slap Continuum!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Please. You took out all the suspense. In a horror movie, the killer does not grab a bull horn and announce: "Attention unsupervised teens here at the lake house. At precisely 3 am, I'm gonna jump outta that closet right there and hack you all up with a machete. PS: Fire is my one weakness
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget how seriously you guys take American Thanksgiving. Real Thanksgiving happened over a month ago.
Barney: I'm sorry. Did you just say Canadian Thanksgiving was and I'm quoting "The Real Thanksgiving"? What do Canadians even have to celebrate about?
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: No way! March does not have 31 days!
Marshall: Yes it does! Everyone knows that. It's like general knowledge!
Ted & Robin [saluting]: General Knowledge!
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Marshall: If I have to wait until my results come in the mail, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
Barney: Based on that grocery list, I'd say diabetes is a bigger worry
 • Rating: Unrated

[Ted is discussing his girlfriend Cathy]
Barney: Ted, let me tell you a little story about a young lady I wanted to have sex with, Lucilia. On a white sand beach in Rio de Janiero, we made love for ten straight hours. When we were done, she applauded, and told me that I was far far better than the best lover she could possibly imagine, and that I had restored her faith in god.
Ted: What does this have to do with Cathy?
Barney: Who's Cathy?
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Marshall: [looking for his password] Jelly beans, fluffernutter, gummi bears, ginger snaps- this is a grocery list.
Robin: For who, a witch building a house in the forest?
Marshall: Sugar helps me study.
Barney: This is the kind of shopping a ten-year-old does when he's alone for the weekend.
Lily: Who leaves a 10 year old alone for the weekend?
Barney: And your mom was perfect.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: She convinced you to go jogging? Wow, you really wanna get into this girl's pants
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: There was a fight here.
Barney: What do you mean?
Ted: Whenever Marshall and Lily have a big argument, they always leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment.
Robin: Oh, God, here we go. He had a detective club as a kid.
Ted: Uh, the Mosby Boys cracked a lot of big cases.
Robin: The Mosby Boys? You mean you and your sister?
Ted: We solved the mystery of the missing retainer.
Robin: Let me guess: it was in the garbage?
Ted: Why are you like this?
 • Rating: Unrated

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