No Robin, I am not going to a strip club, especially right now. Can you imagine the day shift at the Crab Shed?

Barney: Our wedding is gonna be legendary.
Robin: No wait for it?
Barney: I've got you, I don't have to wait for it anymore.

You know how I found out that I'm one quarter Canadian, but I've completely blocked it out because your country is ridiculous and I'm awesome?

Robin: A week from today we are going to be legend, wait for it...
Barney: Married!

Barney: I only have one rule. For every three 10's you bang, throw a bone to a 5. They're grateful and hard working and let's face it, sometimes you just want to lay there.
Laser Tag Kid: What's that got to do with Laser Tag?
Barney: Everything!

Stand up straight Cayden!

You didn't vet the stripper?!?

Shut it Ralph Maccio! Why don't you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!

Hey Ted, what's this I hear slash remember about you not wanting to see Robots vs. Wrestlers?

20 Years From Now Barney

Um a little thing called rigor mortis?

Ah Ted, your first day at the salon and you want to do a cut and color?

Barney: Ted what is my one rule?
Ted: You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Flax seed relieves upset stomach?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Labanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there.
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: New is always better?
Barney: New is always better!

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney