How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Crazy stories are my thing! You have architecture, Marshall has the law, Lily has art, Robin has pleasing me sexually. You all have a passion that drives you. Well if I have a passion it's taking life and turning it into a series of crazy stories. If you can do that without me, then I don't even know who I am anymore.

Ted: Oh boy that was a crazy story.
Barney: Oh boy, yeah I remember.
Ted: You weren't there.
Barney: Ted, bubala, if you have a crazy story, I was there. It's just the law of the universe.

Crazy girls are crazy, because they're crazy.

Cray Cray gotta go bye bye, before you get stabbed stabbed.

I need you to proxy bang this girl for me. Be my stand in and put your gland in.

My body is detoxing after years of one night stands. They don't make gum or a patch for this Ted, but hey, billion dollar idea alert.

Oh no! Fluffernutter peed all over my pants!

You un-jinxed me! I'm free! If the bison on the nickel could hear you talk about them they would diminish their population even further on purpose, if Lily wants a big weiner in her mouth she's got my number and I'm sorry that you took the rap for all the farting on the ride up here, that was me!

Marshall, I'm a grown ass man. I'm on my building's co-op board. When I say a pinot noir tastes luxuriously earthy with a hint of rhubarb? I'm not faking it.

Ted: Hugh Hefner, in you lobby, right now!
Barney: I'm gonna grab my robe!

Thanks Robin, this game affects my league score!

Go ahead laugh. Laugh like all the others, but those magicians pulled off the greatest trick of all. They accepted me.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 657 in total

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney