Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

[Ted is discussing his girlfriend Cathy]
Barney: Ted, let me tell you a little story about a young lady I wanted to have sex with, Lucilia. On a white sand beach in Rio de Janiero, we made love for ten straight hours. When we were done, she applauded, and told me that I was far far better than the best lover she could possibly imagine, and that I had restored her faith in god.
Ted: What does this have to do with Cathy?
Barney: Who's Cathy?

Marshall: [looking for his password] Jelly beans, fluffernutter, gummi bears, ginger snaps- this is a grocery list.
Robin: For who, a witch building a house in the forest?
Marshall: Sugar helps me study.
Barney: This is the kind of shopping a ten-year-old does when he's alone for the weekend.
Lily: Who leaves a 10 year old alone for the weekend?
Barney: And your mom was perfect.

She convinced you to go jogging? Wow, you really wanna get into this girl's pants

Ted: There was a fight here.
Barney: What do you mean?
Ted: Whenever Marshall and Lily have a big argument, they always leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment.
Robin: Oh, God, here we go. He had a detective club as a kid.
Ted: Uh, the Mosby Boys cracked a lot of big cases.
Robin: The Mosby Boys? You mean you and your sister?
Ted: We solved the mystery of the missing retainer.
Robin: Let me guess: it was in the garbage?
Ted: Why are you like this?

Barney: I met a girl last night. So perky and full of life and not at all fake.
Ted: You're talking about her boobs, right?
Barney: C. And that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. What up?

Meg: Yeah, I thought I was gonna get married to my last boyfriend. Boy, did that guy have committment issues. That whole relationship? That's three weeks of my life I'll never get back.
Barney: Well, I love committment. I wish I could marry committment.

Oh, he's good. Classic seduction technique. I use it all the time. First, I buy her, and by her I mean you, a drink. Then I pretend to be interested in whatever she cares about, for you that would be the.. environment. I be all sympathetic and before you know it, you're naked in my apartment shouting, "Oh-oh, Ba-ar-nee-ee-ee!"

BlahBlah: So, we know how Marshall and Lily met. Robin, how did you and Barney meet?
Robin: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Barney and I are not together, no, no.
Barney: Really? Sixteen no's? Really?

Think of me like Yoda but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro - I'm Broda!

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