Barney Stinson Quotes
Barney: This is the moment I've been waiting for. Starting tonight, I am gonna teach you how to live. Ted, you had your chance. You're out, Marshall's in.
Marshall: Oh god...
Barney: Marshall, being a single guy in New York City is like ... What's something everybody likes?
Barney: Yes! It's like being in a candy store! You just walk right in and grab yourself some Whoppers! Yeah! ... Is Whoppers the best one?
Barney: Milk Duds.
Future Ted: This went on for another hour. Ahhh, just skip to the end.
Ted: Dubble Bubbles!
- Permalink: This is the moment I've been waiting for. Starting tonight, I am...
Robin [about Marshall]: This has to stop! Ted, we just started dating, we agreed we don't want to move too fast, and somehow, we have a baby. He can't feed himself, he cries a lot, he keeps us up all night.
Barney: Have you tried breast feeding? Nailed it!
- Permalink: This has to stop! Ted, we just started dating, we agreed we don'...
Ted [on the phone]: Oh hey, where are you guys?
Barney: We're in a fundraiser, helping young women raise money for community college.
- Permalink: Oh hey, where are you guys? We're in a fundraiser, helping you...
You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.
- Permalink: You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. ...
Barney: So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's what you do when you have a fiancÃ©e. He should be out here celebrating! He's free! He got that red-headed tumor removed.
Ted: You should write and illustrate children's books
- Permalink: So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's ...
Barney: For the first time...ever...the three of us are single at the same time. I've dreamed about this day, boys, and it is going to be le...gen...dary! Together we will own this city. Any time a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriend, we'll be there. Any time a girl wants to...solve her father issues through promiscuity and binge drinking WE WILL BE there. Any time a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof, shouting "WHAT'S UP NEW YORK!!", we will be what is "up" New York! Gentlemen, we are about to embark on...
[Barney looks at Robin and Ted...]
Barney: Oh man, you guys did it, didn't you?!
- Permalink: For the first time...ever...the three of us are single at the sa...
Penelope: This wrong guy, is he a huge jackass?
Penelope: Kind of like Barney?
Ted: Kind of.
Penelope: You hit on my mom!
Barney: We weren't exclusive!
- Permalink: This wrong guy, is he a huge jackass? Absolutely. Kind of li...
Penelope: Why the hell should I help you?
Barney: Come on, I know it didn't work out between us, but we did have a relationship.
Penelope: We had sex twice in your car and then you dumped me. How is that a relationship?
- Permalink: Why the hell should I help you? Come on, I know it didn't work...
You are forcing me to be the voice of reason. And that's not a good look for me!
- Permalink: You are forcing me to be the voice of reason. And that's not a g...