Barney Stinson has to do what's right for Barney Stinson's penis.

I have nothing but the utmost respect for you skanks.

You were this close to ripping off his misbuttoned shirt and pulling down his inside out underpants.

Talk about a double standard. Every time I go after a busty dullard that can't tell time or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo Dicaprio, I'm shallow. But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy who can't be trusted around outlets.

Wingmanship is a two way street.

Sorry we're late. We just came from the tailor. Brover couldn't settle on a tie so I just bought them all. You say no to that face!

Two scotches, both neat. And if you've got some nuts, this guy lost a couple. Ha ha, take the hit, just take the hit.

Barney: If Ted raises him the poor kids still gonna be a virgin when he's 13. I'm the obvious choice.
Robin: Hey look, as the only one here packin a vag I got a natural instinct for nurturing and crap like that plus I could teach him how to bow hunt.

Ted: Cleveland sports are still relative. Lebron who? Right guys?
Barney: Ted neither Cleveland or you knows how to get over someone leaving them.

Bro bro bro your broat, gently to the bar. Hit on some sluts then do 10 shots...

Bro MacDonald had a farm, ee i ee i bro. And on that farm he had some chicks, eei ee i bro. With a hot chick here and a dumb chick there...

Barney Stinson how may I direct my penis?

HIMYM Quotes

Ted [to Stella in his dream encounter]: You picked the wrong guy.
Stella: Ted?
Ted: You picked the wrong guy. You made a really, really, really bad choice. What were you thinking? That guy? Are you kidding me? Have you learned nothing in the last eight years? You're just gonna regret this. You know that, right? You are going to regret this, and now there is nothing you can do about it because it's too late. All you can do now is go up there and start your crappy, disappointing life that will never be nearly as happy as the one you could have had with me. Good-bye.
Stella: Ted, wait.
Ted: Look, Stella, I am not here to win you back. I am here because I need to know that you know you made the biggest mistake of your life.
Stella: I know

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.