How I Met Your Mother

Barney Stinson Quotes (Page 61)

Ted: Barney, I am going to kill you.
Barney: Don't say you're gonna kill someone in front of airport security. Not cool
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: This is so lame.
Ted: Lame . . . or casual?
Barney: Lame.
Ted: . . . or casual?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: The girl from last night, I took her back to my place, then this morning spun her around a couple of times and sent her walking. She'll never find her way back and there she is!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: What does Carlos have that I don't?
Robin: A date tonight?
Lily: Ooh, stop the tape, rewind, play it again!
Robin: [makes rewind sound] A date tonight?
Barney: I'm not sure I like her
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Ted, let's rap. Statistics: At every New York party there is always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see... where I'm going... with this?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Barney: So, it's over between me and... Works-with-Carlos girl.
Ted: Whoa, that was fast.
Barney: Yeah. I was trying to think, "What's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met?"
[flashback to about 5 seconds ago]
Barney: I think I'm in love with you.
Works-with-Carlos Girl: What?
[back in the present]
Barney: Thanks, bro!
Ted: Glad I could help
 • Rating: Unrated

Random Girl: Hello, Barney.
Barney: Of course...
Random Girl: You look well. Isn't it weird they invited both of us?
Barney: Who? Who invited you, no one even knows who you are!
Random Girl: I understand, you're hurt, but... you don't have to be cruel. Carlos was right about you.
Barney: Who Is Carlos!?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Hi, have you met Ted?
Girl - Works With Carlos Girl: No.
Barney: Do you know Marshall? Lily?
Random Girl: No.
Barney: Hmm. Do you know anyone at this party?
Random Girl: I work with Carlos.
Barney: Excuse me.
Barney [to Ted, Lily, Marshall]: Anybody know a Carlos?
[they shake their heads]
Barney: On a silver platter
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Solid plan, my little friend.
Ted: We're the same height
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite quote from "?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!