Lily: You'll be playing with two charter members of the East Meadow Alley Cats.
Marshall: We're a hot dog eating team with a bowling problem.

When did I become such a gooey romantic?

Ted: Barney that was my VCR.
Barney: Ted, it was a VCR!

Ted: Barney, you've really grown up, you know that?
Barney: Thanks, now lets watch our two best friends have sex on tape!

To the outdated viewing device!

Do you think that if we did it...and I did a really good job...that I could turn that into my baby?

Oh God I am so hungover! Oh God, Lily's not wearing a bra!

Get, drunk, of course! Good circling Ted.

Ted, tonight is gonna be Epic- wait for it...Dary! Wait that's not it, how do I usually say it? Ugh I hate this Quinn girl!

Where has this heavenly vehicle been all my life? Can you hear it's inspiring chant Ted? I think I can get laid, I think I can get laid, it's the little engine with wood!

Barney: Come on Robin, it's my penis we're talkin' about! You've seen her, she's magnificent!
Robin: She?
Barney: Every penis is a girl Robin. Everyone knows that, like ships...and lake monsters.

For God's sake Lily, you're pregnant! For God's sake Ted, Lily's pregnant!

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney