Barney: Abby and I are in love. Not hot, passionate love. Couple love! You know, movie night with my girlfriend then waiting for her to go to bed so I can steal one pitiful moment of hollow ecstasy by the cold blue light of my computer monitor• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: No offense, Randy, but there is a long list of candidates for this slot. This slot is Vice President of Awesome. And you're like Assistant Undersecretary of Only OK.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Ted [about sleeping with Robin]: By the way, my mother is coming to visit next week. Maybe you would like to nail her too!?
Barney: Are you saying you don't want to be bros anymore?
Ted: I'm saying I don't want to be friends anymore
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: Hey Barney, I'm get rid of some of my old stuff; do you want my X-Box?
Barney: [gasps in horror] She has a name, Ted! Just what are you accusing me of?
Ted: Uh, liking video games
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Robin: Now we go back to exactly the way things were before.
Barney: Okay.
Robin [whispering]: Okay.
Barney: All right... So Robin?
Robin: Yes Barney?
Barney: Guess who nailed the chick from Metro News One last night?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 9.5 / 10 • Permalink
Robin: Okay, here's the deal Barney; the moment my feet touch the ground this never happened.
Barney: Okay. Wait! [lifts up covers] Right-Click, Save As, Into the b-peg folder and Okay! This never happened. It's a good plan
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: So... I just slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend.
Robin: And I just slept with ex-boyfriend's really good friend.
Barney: Best friend.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: In my experience the way this normally goes is we lie here for a while; make a little awkward chit-chat.
Robin: Check.
Barney: Then I make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight I got to be at, slip out of your apartment and never call you again.
Robin: And later at the bar you tell your good friend Robin the story of your latest conquest and she wonders to herself "Who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed in to bed with Barney Stinson?"
Barney: Actually, you usually say that out loud
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney [referring to Robin's music video]: You know, if you re-edit there's a tampon commercial in here somewhere
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: You're the most awesome person I've ever met. Well, second.
Robin: Right, first being you.
Barney: No, actually, it's this guy I know who lives in something called the mirror. What up?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 315
