Barney: Shotgun for eternity!Robin: You can't call shotgun for eternity.
Barney: I call that I can call things
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: Hey! I don't remember you. I've spent the last two days trying to remember every girl that I've slept with and all of the horrible things that I have done to them-- and I have done some horrible things. I mean, at one point I'm pretty sure I sold a woman. I didn't speak the language, but I shook a guy's hands, he gave me the keys to a Mercedes, and I left her there. I am the guy who keeps a scrapbook of all the women I have slept with, but I never thought I was the guy who would sleep with a girl and not even remember her. So, from the bottom of my heart, for whatever I did to you, I apologize
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: There are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves.
Robin: Of course there are.
Barney: Single, recently single, recently divorced, lesbian who will let me watch.
Lily: You can not be more evil.
Barney: Sorry five. Recently widowed.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 8.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: Open your brain tank bro, cuz here comes some premium 91 octane knowledge. There's three rules of cheating: 1. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married. 2. It's not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And its not cheating if she's from a different area code. You're fine on all three counts.
Ted: How do you know she's from a different area code?
Barney: She's 516. She might dress like she's 718 and act like she's 212, but trust me she's 516. Oh, and her husband letting her out alone on St. Patty's Day? If that dude's not 973 I'm 307...Wyoming.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Ted: Hi, I'm Ted.
Ashlee: Hi, I'm Ashlee -- with two E's.
Barney: Please, C's at most!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Robin: We can split a cab to work together, we always have a standing lunch date, and last night, at the hockey game, Curt got us into the locker room and I met Mason Raymond. [gang looks clueless] Left wing for the Vancouver Canucks!
Barney: What's the opposite of name-dropping?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Model: You guys work for the company?
Barney: Yeah, it's called "I'm gonna get in your panties" incorporated.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: But you said I rocked your world. All subsequent worlds that I rocked were only so rocked because of the confidence I earned from said first world rocking!
Rhonda: Sorry, Barry.
Barney: It's Barney
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani-clad and fully awesome
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney [referring to his investing in women]: That's going to reward shareholders soon. I see aggressive growth in my future. What up!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 315
