Season 5, Episode 11: "Last Cigarette Ever"
Barney: What do you think cigarettes are doing right now? Do you think they're thinking of us?• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: post-coital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlaps, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day The Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and, of course, wait for it, cause lord knows I have, pregnancy scares.
Ted: Why are you smoking right now?
Barney: I'm always pre-coital, Ted.
• Rating: 9.7 / 10 • Permalink
Season 5, Episode 10: "The Window"
Barney: [on phone] Ten minutes and the window's closed.Ted: What? Ten minutes?!
Barney: Because we're bros.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: I forgot what it feels like to chase the real thing but I think I'm ready again.
Barney: Yeah...let me tell you were I'm at.. I want to have sex with a girl so I can take off these overalls.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Jim: I've been in love with her for five years.
Ted: I've been in love with her for twelve years.
Barney: I've been in these overalls for an hour and a half.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney [to random girl]: Hey.
Robin: Oh, he's not saying hello, he's just telling you what he feeds his horses. Oh man, I could sit here and make "you look like a farmer" jokes all night. Challenge accepted.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney [about Marshall's overalls]: No one, I mean no one could get laid wearing these. Challenge accepted. I, Barney Stinson, of sound mind and amazing body will wear these overalls until have sex with a woman.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: I sent a cab with a female driver so she would have no other male interaction until she came to me.
Barney: Where she will still have no interaction with a man. What up? I feel good tonight. Tonight's gonna be good.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: You know how everyone has that guy or girl that no matter what happens, you know will be perfect for you.
Marshall: Lily.
Robin: Mike Shacks.
Barney: That girl over there.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 5, Episode 8: "The Playbook"
Barney: See the blonde over there by the bar? Tizzarget acquizzired!Robin: Barney, don't do this ...
Barney: Oh, give it a rest, pest.
• Rating: 9.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 354
