Barney: Ted, you mentioned that you lived upstairs. She saw that tweed jacket which basically says you're not interested in nor probably even capable of having sex and she thought, hey, free lodging• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Ahh tweed, the official fabric of the eunuch
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Ted: Pop quiz. When robin is PMSing what kind of chocolate should youg et her?
Barney: Trick question. Get her butter scotch.
Ted: Correct. Why?
Barney: Butter scotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 8.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby, that's like taking fashion advice from well... Ted Mosby
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Ted: You were like the worst student in the world, weren't you?
Barney: They said I AD...something... can we have class outside?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Funny thing, and this is just me, I like my balls attached to my body instead of rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: I don't come here that often
Waitress: Hey Barney, here's your usual and I'll send you your other usual when she's done stretching
Barney: Thank you kindly, stranger
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Barney: Guess who got four tickets to the the origins of chewbaca exhibit?
Lily: Why?
Barney: No, I said who
Lily: I heard you
Robin: Isn't it a little early in our relationship to be doing things that would end our relationship?
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Barney: I'm always punching guys, girls, I'll even punch a baby, I don't care
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend? Simple, the rules for girls are the same as gremlins. Rule number one: never get them wet. In otherwards, don't let her take a shower in your place. Rule number two: keep them away from sunlight. i.e don't ever see them during the day. And rule number three: never feed them after midnight. Meaning she doesn't sleep over and you don't have breakfast with her, ever
Ted: What about brunch? Is brunch cool?
Barney: No Ted, brunch is not cool
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 9.8 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 315
