Barney: You still seeing that guy?Robin: Even better, seeing him naked
Barney: I shoud go see this Chinese girl I met.. I just had her last night and I already feel like seconds
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Barney: That, my friends, is the dominator 5000, the best bull whip on the market according to my whip guy. Yeah, I have a whip guy. [makes whip sound]
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: Jesus waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited ONE day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I DIED yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, THREE. Plus it's SUNDAY, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is DEAD", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story
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Barney: Let's be clear: I don't love [Robin], okay? I just... miss her when she's not around, think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest.
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Barney: Marshall, you're no Lily. Lily is a diabolical puppet-master, surreptitiously manipulating every situation to get exactly what she wants. She is pure evil, Marshall. You've got a good one; hang onto her
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Ted: What is an ETR?
Barney: It's an Employee Transition Room.
Ted: What does that mean?
Barney: Well, it's a space where a supervisor and an employee engage in a knowledge transfer about an impending vocational paradigm shift.
Marshal: People get fired here
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Lily [about Canadian sex acts]: How do you know all these?
Barney: Canadiansexacts.org. It's bookmarked on the top right.
Marshal: Dot org?
Barney: Yeah, it's not for profit. They really just want to get the information out there
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Robin: I can't break 15 bricks with my forehead.
Barney: Robin, it's not 1950 anymore. Yes, you can
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Barney: That's what corporate America wants: people who seem like bold risk takers, but never actually do anything
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Barney: All my life I have dared to go past what is possible.
Interviewer: To the impossible?
Barney: Actually, past that. To the place where the possible and the impossible meet, to become... the possimpible.
Lily: The possimpible? Really?
Barney: Inventing your own word shows creativity and vision—Visitivity
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Total Quotes: 315
