Barney [referring to possibly impregnating a woman]: Lily, no part of Barney Stinson does less than 110%. If one of my Michael Phelps' got loose, he's goin' for the gold!• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney [at the wedding bar]: Berry Blaster Brain revitalizer—My God, some of these drinks can actually make a girl smarter. What sort of hell has Ted brought us to?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Marriage is stupid! Every year there are a million new, hot, 22-year-olds walking into bars, and call me "glass-half-full," but I think they're getting dumber
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney [dressed in old man costume]: In a few minutes, the young me from your time is going to come through that door. Now, Cindy, I know this sounds insane, but in order to save the planet, you need to sleep with him tonight.
Cindy: What? I...
Barney: Sleep with Barney Stinson tonight, in whatever way he wants it, or he won't be able to find the solution to global warming that saves the human race
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: Chinese [food]?
Barney: I don't like Chinese.
Ted: Indian?
Barney: I just said, I don't like Chinese.
Ted: Indian isn't Chinese.
Barney: Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs?
Ted: Mexican?
Barney: I just said, I don't like Chinese!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 5.0 / 10 • Permalink
Lily: This burger is so good, its like Christmas in my mouth. Meat Christmas.
Ted: Its like an angel from heaven landed in the kitchen of McClaren's... where the chef killed it and ran it through the meat grinder.
Barney: I love this burger so much I want to sew my ass shut
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney [after leaving Robin a weird sound on her voicemail]: She wasn't there. I left a voicemail.
Lily: You left a voice, but it wasn't male
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: It's like a disease. I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings, I caught feelings bad. I used protection and everything
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: Say you and I went suit shopping and you happened upon a beautiful suit, a beautiful Canadian suit, double breasted.. mmm... You try it on, but it's not exactly the right fit for you so you put it back. Then I try it on. I don't really want to take the same suit you had your eye on, but at the same time I really like that suit
Ted: Buy that suit Barney. You clearly care about it. Tell the suit how I feel
Barney: Okay. But Ted, remember that was your answer because the suit was Robin...
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 9.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 315
