Barney: License and registration?Lady Cop: Excuse me
Barney: I can only assume you need a license to have a face that beautiful. And that body? I'm guessing something that explosive has to be registered with the proper authorities
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: You, sir, got Stella thinking: "Gosh, Ted seemed so cool today. Did I choose the wrong guy?" Give it a week, you'll get her back. And her front, oh! Did you feel that? I think we just had a "what up?" quake
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: That's a line from a porno. I've seen that porno. Hell, I've made that porno.
Barney: When will you guys realize that the only difference between my real life and a porno is my life has better lighting?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: 200 is too many
Barney: Oh right, because there can be too many of something wonderful. Hey Babe Ruth, easy big fellah, let's not hit too many homers. Hey Steve Gutenberg, maybe just make three Police Academy movies. America's laughed enough.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Petra here, if all goes well, will be my...wait for it 200th! Sorry, I couldn't wait it's all too exciting!
Ted: Your 200th as in...sex with?
Barney: As in sex with. I request the highest of fives.
Ted: Not if I was wearing a hazmat suit.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Nice! Girls whose names end in LY are always dirty: Holly, Kelly, Karly... Lily.
Marshall: Hey! Oh, yeah, I know it's true
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 6.0 / 10 • Permalink
Barney: You can't call her, you have to wait three days to call a woman. That's the rule!
Ted: Barney, that rule is completely played out. Girls know exactly what you're doing. Hey I got a new rule, it's kind of crazy, it's called you like her, you call her
Barney: I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I don't speak "I never get laid"
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: Hey food guy! Toy guy! [about guy dressed as ninja]: who's that guy?
Barney: He doesn't work here... I think we should leave the building
Marshall: Really?
Barney: This has happened before
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: The things I know about this company, I'll never be fired. There's a chance I'll wash up on shore with no identifiable finger prints or teeth
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney [about his infected piercing]: My ear hurts so bad I can hear it. I can hear my own ear!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 6.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 315
