Bart Simpson Quotes
Marge: Bartholomew J. Simpson! How can you be so mean?
Bart: What can you do about it?
(She whacks him on the head with a spoon.)
Marge: I'll whack you with the whole salad set if you don't start thinking about others!
- Permalink: Bartholomew J. Simpson! How can you be so mean? What can you d...
Lisa: Mom, Bart's drinking coffee!
Bart: It's not coffee, it's hot Pepsi!
- Permalink: Mom, Bart's drinking coffee! It's not coffee, it's hot Pepsi!
Martin: Individually we are weak, like a single twig. But as a bundle, we form a mighty faggot.
Bart: Well said!
(After Martin's line, a title appears: faggot (fag et) n. a bundle of sticks for fuel. [Fr. fagot, a bundle of sticks]
- Permalink: Individually we are weak, like a single twig. But as a bundle, w...
Bart: Where is Nelson?
Skinner: I'm sorry. Nelson never woke up.
Skinner: Never woke up because he never passed out -- he's right over there.
- Permalink: Where is Nelson? I'm sorry. Nelson never woke up. What?! N...
Lisa: Moe marginalized my contributions!
(Homer and Bart gasp. Lisa runs away sobbing.)
Homer: No one makes my daughter sob and run!
Bart: He ruined her first Wordloaf!
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Marge: Don't worry. I have a secret weapon. One more deadly then any gun.
Bart: Lisa's face?
Marge: A phone tree.
- Permalink: Don't worry. I have a secret weapon. One more deadly then any gu...
Milhouse: Bart, can we go to Banana Republic? There's a mannequin there I have a crush on.
Bart: Milhouse, that is the most pathetic thing I've ever . . . (sees mannequin) Oh my God, she's beautiful!
- Permalink: Bart, can we go to Banana Republic? There's a mannequin there I ...
(In "Married to the Blob," after eating the green goo, Homer's stomach rumbles and he wakes up in a zombie-like trance.)
Homer: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping.
(Homer heads down to the kitchen and raids the refrigerator.)
Homer: (Panting) Still hungry.
(Bart stumbles into the kitchen to see what is going on.)
Homer: Son, let me have a lick at you.
(Homer stuffs Bart into his mouth and tries to eat him. Marge walks into the kitchen and clicks on the light.)
Marge: Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son?
Homer: Nag, nag, nag.
(Homer pulls a squirming Bart out of his mouth.)
- Permalink: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping....
Can't you read my handwriting? I didn't say "Kick Homer's walls"</i> Bart
(Homer walks up and the golem kicks him between the legs.)
- Permalink: Can't you read my handwriting? I didn't say Kick Homer's walls
Bart: Finally someone who does whatever I say!
Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.
Bart: Get lost!
Milhouse: Yes, master!
- Permalink: Finally someone who does whatever I say! Hey, Bart. I shaved m...
Kearney: Yo, Simpson. Give us your lunch money!
Bart: Hmm... I don't think so. In fact, why don't you give me your lunch money?
Dolph: Who's gonna make us? That golem?
Bart: No, my gol--Yes, him.
- Permalink: Yo, Simpson. Give us your lunch money! Hmm... I don't think so...
(In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil and Homer's family try to intervene during an eating rampage.)
Dr. Phil: Homer, your family's here. And you've gotta help me help them help you help me help you.
Homer: Marge, I missed you. All this eating has put me in the mood for a little lovin' (Purrs sexily)
Marge: I have to be honest with you: I can't love a 4,000 ton cannibal.
Homer: What happened to "for better or for worse?!"
Bart: Dad, you're eating Dr. Phil.
Homer: (Licks fingers) It's amazing. He tastes just like Jeffery Tambor.
(Dr. Phil can be seen grunting and struggling inside Homer's stomach.)
Dr. Phil: Food does not equal love!
(Dr. Phil perishes inside Homer's stomach.)
- Permalink: Homer, your family's here. And you've gotta help me help them he...