Bart Simpson Quotes
Lisa: Moe marginalized my contributions!
(Homer and Bart gasp. Lisa runs away sobbing.)
Homer: No one makes my daughter sob and run!
Bart: He ruined her first Wordloaf!
- Permalink: Moe marginalized my contributions! No one makes my daughter ...
Marge: Don't worry. I have a secret weapon. One more deadly then any gun.
Bart: Lisa's face?
Marge: A phone tree.
- Permalink: Don't worry. I have a secret weapon. One more deadly then any gu...
Milhouse: Bart, can we go to Banana Republic? There's a mannequin there I have a crush on.
Bart: Milhouse, that is the most pathetic thing I've ever . . . (sees mannequin) Oh my God, she's beautiful!
- Permalink: Bart, can we go to Banana Republic? There's a mannequin there I ...
(In "Married to the Blob," after eating the green goo, Homer's stomach rumbles and he wakes up in a zombie-like trance.)
Homer: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping.
(Homer heads down to the kitchen and raids the refrigerator.)
Homer: (Panting) Still hungry.
(Bart stumbles into the kitchen to see what is going on.)
Homer: Son, let me have a lick at you.
(Homer stuffs Bart into his mouth and tries to eat him. Marge walks into the kitchen and clicks on the light.)
Marge: Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son?
Homer: Nag, nag, nag.
(Homer pulls a squirming Bart out of his mouth.)
- Permalink: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping....
Can't you read my handwriting? I didn't say "Kick Homer's walls"</i> Bart
(Homer walks up and the golem kicks him between the legs.)
- Permalink: Can't you read my handwriting? I didn't say Kick Homer's walls
Bart: Finally someone who does whatever I say!
Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.
Bart: Get lost!
Milhouse: Yes, master!
- Permalink: Finally someone who does whatever I say! Hey, Bart. I shaved m...
Kearney: Yo, Simpson. Give us your lunch money!
Bart: Hmm... I don't think so. In fact, why don't you give me your lunch money?
Dolph: Who's gonna make us? That golem?
Bart: No, my gol--Yes, him.
- Permalink: Yo, Simpson. Give us your lunch money! Hmm... I don't think so...
(In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil and Homer's family try to intervene during an eating rampage.)
Dr. Phil: Homer, your family's here. And you've gotta help me help them help you help me help you.
Homer: Marge, I missed you. All this eating has put me in the mood for a little lovin' (Purrs sexily)
Marge: I have to be honest with you: I can't love a 4,000 ton cannibal.
Homer: What happened to "for better or for worse?!"
Bart: Dad, you're eating Dr. Phil.
Homer: (Licks fingers) It's amazing. He tastes just like Jeffery Tambor.
(Dr. Phil can be seen grunting and struggling inside Homer's stomach.)
Dr. Phil: Food does not equal love!
(Dr. Phil perishes inside Homer's stomach.)
- Permalink: Homer, your family's here. And you've gotta help me help them he...
(Marge goes on a carpentry binge, and builds all sorts of things.)
Lisa: Wow, Mom, you made all this?
Bart: It's like you're the Jesus of carpentry!
Marge: Aww, what sweet blasphemy.
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(Principal Skinner finally stands up to Bart's peanut threats.)
Principal Skinner: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. Eat shrimp and die!
(Principal Skinner holds up a stick with a shrimp attached to it.)
Bart: No! I'm allergic!
(Bart holds up his stick with a peanut attached to it.)
Principal Skinner: Stick-on-stick. Just like the knights of old.
Bart: No one teaches me history!
- Permalink: Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long. E...
Marge: Bart, here's a letter from your school.
Bart: A fire? I didn't start a fire in the teachers' lounge! I mean, what fire? I mean, a letter from school? Please elaborate.
Marge: Someone at your school has a life-threating peanut allergy.
Bart: Cool! Who is it?
Marge: Ah, the letter doesn't say. But from now on, no peanut products are allowed on school property.
(Marge examines Bart's lunch box.)
Marge: Hmm, let's see what you've got. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, trail mix, starring peanuts. Good grief, more peanuts!
(Marge holds up a copy of "Good Grief, More Peanuts" by Charles M. Schultz.)
- Permalink: Bart, here's a letter from your school. A fire? I didn't start...
(The Simpson family arrives at the Springfield Mall.)
Lisa: This place is lookin' a little run down.
Bart: Yeah, hasn't been the same since they murdered the Mayor's dad here.
- Permalink: This place is lookin' a little run down. Yeah, hasn't been the...