Bart Simpson Quotes
Usually when I do something bad, I feel good. But not this time. Martin was like Jesus... only real.
- Permalink: Usually when I do something bad, I feel good. But not this time....
Skinner's five steps ahead of me! I put a tack on his chair, he's corked his pants. I throw a tomato, he's making salad.
- Permalink: Skinner's five steps ahead of me! I put a tack on his chair, he'...
Marge: A carnival? What's so romantic about this?
Bart: See you later!
(Bart and Lisa run off into the carnival.)
Homer: For the next two hours, we'll be kid-free. It'll be just like the time we lost them at the mall.
(Homer and Marge chuckle.)
Homer: That was the best Christmas ever.
- Permalink: A carnival? What's so romantic about this? Bye! See you late...
Marge: There is a part of our past that we haven't told you kids about. A turbulent part.
Bart: Come on. More turbulent than now?
Lisa: We're in every kind of therapy!
Homer: Things happened between your mother and me that we're not proud of. It was the middle of a wild decade known as the 1990's.
Bart: The '90s? Never heard of it.
- Permalink: There is a part of our past that we haven't told you kids about....
Lisa: Mom! I didn't know you went to college!
Bart: Yeah, you always said that after high school, Dad blessed you with the unplanned miracle of me!
- Permalink: Mom! I didn't know you went to college! Yeah, you always said ...
The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.
- Permalink: The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to e...
(The family watches a commercial for a new restaurant.)
Wes Doobner: Howdy, folks! Are tired of family arguments over where to go for dinner?
Homer: Sometimes I think about gettin' on a bus and never comin' back.
Wes Doobner: Why not try Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts? The rib joint with somethin' for everyone!
Homer: Good luck with my finicky appetite!
Wes Doobner: We've got ribs--
Wes Doobner: Plain noodles.
Wes Doobner: With butter.
Wes Doobner: Texas tofu!
Lisa: Yummy, yumma!
Wes Doobner: And the easiest place mat puzzle in the state.
Bart: Let me at it!
- Permalink: Howdy, folks! Are tired of family arguments over where to go for...
(Homer explaining his surgery to Bart and Lisa)
Homer: Kids, daddy underwent a special procedure so he can be more attractive to your mother.
Bart: You had your hot dog plumped?
Homer: No! I had my stomach stapled!
- Permalink: Kids, daddy underwent a special procedure so he can be more attr...
(Comic Book Guy has just noticed a new comic store that has opened up across the street.)
Comic Book Guy: Philip K Dick! It can't be! It's as if Superman moved to Gotham City!
Martin: Which he did, in World's Finest Comics #94. (Points to the comic.) See?
Comic Book Guy: That was an imaginary story, dreamt by Jimmy Olsen after he was kicked in the head by Supergirl's horse, Comet. It never really happened.
Bart: None of these things ever really happened.
Comic Book Guy: Get out of my store.
- Permalink: Philip K Dick! It can't be! It's as if Superman moved to Gotham ...
Bart: Alan Moore, you wrote my favorite issues of Radioactive Man.
Alan Moore: Oh really, so you liked that I made your favorite superhero a heroin addicted jazz critic who's not radioactive?
Bart: I don't read the words. I just like when he punches people. How do you make his costume stick so close to his muscles?
Alan Moore: Ughhh.
- Permalink: Alan Moore, you wrote my favorite issues of Radioactive Man. O...
Kirk: Uh, attention, everyone. Uh, Luann and I have some big news.
Bart: Is it that you're brother and sister? Because you really look a lot alike.
Bart: Half-brother and half-sister?
Bart: Siamese twins who've been surgically separated?
Luann: No! We're getting remarried.
- Permalink: Uh, attention, everyone. Uh, Luann and I have some big news. I...
"Trick or Treat" isn't just some phrase you chant mindlessly like The Lord's Prayer. It's an oral contract!</i> Bart
- Permalink: Trick or Treat isn't just some phrase you chant mindlessly like ...