(to Lou) I don't care how much of a pumped-up freak you are. I still love you. The way Barry Bonds' kids probably still love him.

Sorry, Lise. I can't be a vegetarian. I love the taste of death.

Mom, they're gonna kill Lou and make him into food and fringe vests for gay cowboys!

Dad was Colonel Homer and he wore that awesome suit and Lurleen wanted to bunk his brains out! But I forget how Mom felt about it.
(Marge grinds her teeth angrily)

Homer: Just sit still in my lap.
Bart: What lap?
Lisa: All I see is a gut with knees.
Homer: Why, you little!

(Homer and Lisa are excited about the latest Angelica Button book.)
Lisa: The last book in the series goes on sale at midnight and we're gonna go stand in line.
Bart: Wait in line for a book?! You tell 'em Bart says hey.
Homer: Come on, boy. All the nerds are doing it.
Bart: I'm not a nerd. I'm a jock who's too cool for sports.

Homer: Son, while your mother and little mother are out, I'm gonna let you in on a deep, dark family secret.
Bart: You have a drinking problem?
Homer: I said secret.

(about a school assignment) The Internet wrote it, I just handed it in.

Lisa: Bart, Martin could be seriously hurt or worse! We have to do something!
Bart: You're right. Let's watch TV.

(Martin and Lisa are excavating for arrowheads.)
Martin: Care to make it a trio, Bart? You can brush and I can blow.
Bart: Well, I agree you blow.
Martin: Then it's a plan!
Bart: A lot of people blow, but no one blows like you.
Martin: High praise indeed!
Bart: When you look up "blow" in the dictionary--
Lisa: Bart, he's not gonna get it.
Bart: Fine.

Usually when I do something bad, I feel good. But not this time. Martin was like Jesus... only real.

Skinner's five steps ahead of me! I put a tack on his chair, he's corked his pants. I throw a tomato, he's making salad.

The Simpsons Quotes

(Picking out a Tuxedo for Bart. He doesn't look pleased with his puffy shirt tuxedo.)
Bart: (frowning) Isn't this shirt kinda gay?
Clerk: Last time I checked, pirates weren't gay.
Homer: Eww, how'd you check?

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart