Bart Simpson Quotes
(Lisa, Bart and his friends watch wrestling on TV)
Bart: Two titans at the height of their careers. Ahh, if you ask me, this is gonna be one hell of a match.
Lisa: Oh, Bart, I hope you're not taking this seriously. Even a five-year-old knows that this is as choreographed as any ballet.
(Cut to Homer, who is at Moe's watching the same thing and talking to Barney.)
Homer: Eh, Rasputin's got the reach. But on the other hand, the professor's got his patented coma lock. If you ask me, this is gonna be one hell of a match.
- Permalink: (<i>Lisa, Bart and his friends watch wrestling on TV</i>) Two ...
Homer: This is Thanksgiving, so glue friendly or else I'll take away the glue and then nobody will have any glue to glue with!
Lisa: Dad, this isn't about glue, it's about territoriality. He only wants the glue because I'm using it.
Bart: Oh yeah, prove it (she hands him the glue) Hey man, I don't want your stupid glue.
- Permalink: This is Thanksgiving, so glue friendly or else I'll take away th...
Alright! Twelve bucks and free grub to boot! Viva skid row!
- Permalink: Alright! Twelve bucks and free grub to boot! Viva skid row!
Bart: Who the hell is that?
Bart: Who? Wait a minute, who's that?
Homer: Underdog, don't you know anything?
Bart: It wouldn't hurt them to use some cartoons made in the last fifty years.
Homer: Bart, this is the tradition. If you build a balloon for every flash in the pad cartoon character, you'll turn the parade into a farce.
(Bart balloon shows up on the television)
- Permalink: Who the hell is that? Bullwinkle. Who? Wait a minute, who's ...
Lady: Hey, you gotta be eighteen to sell your blood, lets see some ID.
Bart: Here you go, doll face!
Lady: Okay, Homer, just relax.
- Permalink: Hey, you gotta be eighteen to sell your blood, lets see some ID....
I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!
- Permalink: I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I ...
Homer: Alright Bart, that's it! Go to your room! Now!
Bart: Okay, I'll take some white meat and some stuffing to go and send in the pumpkin pie in about twenty minutes.
Homer: I said now!
Bart: Mom do I have too?
Marge: Yes you do! I hope your happy Bart! You ruined Thanksgiving!
- Permalink: Alright Bart, that's it! Go to your room! Now! Okay, I'll take...
(Lisa tries to teach Bart a method to clear his mind of distraction.)
Lisa: Bart, I have a riddle for you. What's the sound of one hand clapping?
Bart: Piece of cake.
(Bart opens and closes his right fist quickly, making a sound.)
Lisa: No, Bart. It's a 3000-year-old riddle with no answer. It's supposed to clear your mind of conscious thought.
Bart: No answer? Lisa, listen up.
(Bart quickly opens and closes his fist again.)
- Permalink: <i>(Lisa tries to teach Bart a method to clear his mind of distr...
(After some miniature golf practice Bart enters his bedroom and throws his putter on the floor.)
Homer: (Yelling) What are you doing?
(Homer picks up the putter.)
Homer: That putter is to you what a bat is to a baseball player, what a violin is...to the--the guy that--the violin guy! Now, come on! Give your putter a name.
(Homer hands the putter back to Bart.)
Homer: Come on. Give it a name.
Bart: Mr. Putter.
Homer: D'oh! You wanna try a little harder, son? Come on. Give it a girl's name.
Homer: Your putter's name is Charlene!
Homer: It just is, that's why!
(Homer pins up a picture of Todd Flanders.)
Homer Now, this is a picture of your enemy, Todd Flanders. Every day, I want you to spend 15 minutes staring at it and concentrating on how much you hate him and how glorious it will be when you and Charlene annihilate him!
Bart: Who's Charlene?
(Homer snatches Bart's putter out of his hands.)
Homer: I'll show you who Charlene is! Now start hating!
- Permalink: <i>(After some miniature golf practice Bart enters his bedroom a...