Bart Simpson Quotes
(Bart and Homer finish a round of miniature golf.)
Bart: Final score: Bart, 41. Homer--Let's see. Six plus six plus six plus six plus six plus--
Homer: Never mind!
- Permalink: <i>(Bart and Homer finish a round of miniature golf.)</i> Bart...
(Lisa tries to mentally prepare Bart for the miniature golf tournament with some meditation.)
Lisa: I want you to shut off the logical part of your mind.
Lisa: Embrace nothingness.
Bart: You got it.
Lisa: Become like an uncarved stone.
Lisa: Bart! You're just pretending to know what I'm talking about!
Lisa: Well, it's very frustrating!
Bart: I'll bet.
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(Homer puts some pressure on Bart to win the Miniature golf tournament.)
Homer: Look, son, all I'm asking is that you'll try.
Bart: Okay, I'll try.
Homer: D'oh! Anybody can try! I want you to win!
- Permalink: <i>(Homer puts some pressure on Bart to win the Miniature golf t...
Homer: What does everyone say to some miniature golf, followed by a round of frosty chocolate milkshakes!
Bart: All right!
Marge: Mmm, I was going to wash my hair.
Lisa: And I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll bring home a brand-new protractor.
Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.
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(Lisa preps Bart before the golf tournament)
Lisa: Eighth hole.
Bart: Aim for the octopus' third tentacle.
Lisa: Twelfth hole.
Bart: Bank it off the pink tombstone.
Bart: State of bliss attained through the extinction of the self.
- Permalink: (<i>Lisa preps Bart before the golf tournament</i>) Eighth hol...
(At Springfield Stadium, the entire crowd laughs as Mr. Burns weakly throws out the first pitch.)
Homer: Hey, Burns! Hey, rag arm!
Bart: You throw like my sister, man!
Lisa: Yeah, you throw like me!
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(Before the baseball game at Springfield Stadium, the Simpson family watches the players warm-up.)
Bart: Oh, wow! There's Flash Baylor! I gotta get his autograph! He used to be a star!
(Bart makes his way to the outfield fence.)
Bart: Hey, Flash, will you sign my ball?
Flash Baylor: (Flatly) No.
(A disappointed Bart returns back to his seat.)
Bart: (Muttering) Lousy, washed-up, broken down tub of guts. Who does he think he is, anyway?
Homer: What's the matter, boy?
Bart: He wouldn't sign my ball.
Marge: (Upset) Well, he's a fine role model. Bart, give me that ball!
(Marge makes her way to the outfield fence.)
Outfielder: Hey, Flash, check out the mature quail headin' this way.
Flash Baylor: Well, hey there, little lady. What can Flash do for ya?
(Cut to Marge returning back to her seat and handing Bart's ball back to him.)
Marge: Here you go, Bart.
Bart: Hmm. (Reading baseball) "Springfield Kozy Kort Motel, room 26. How 'bout it? Flash."
Homer: Wow! Flash Baylor came onto my wife! You've still got the magic, Marge.
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(Bart and Milhouse say goodbye, as Bart is headed off to Capital City.)
Milhouse: I don't know, Bart. I mean, I'm gonna miss you and all, but--
Bart: Come on, Milhouse. This way we'll be friends forever.
(Bart and Milhouse spit on each other's hands and shake.)
Bart and Milhouse: (In unison) Eeeew!
Bart: I'm gonna miss you, spit brother.
Milhouse: I'm gonna miss you, spit brother.
- Permalink: <i>(Bart and Milhouse say goodbye, as Bart is headed off to Capi...
(In a publicity stunt, Mr. Burns is a dinner guest at the Simpson home.)
Homer: Bart, would you like to say grace?
Bart: Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.
Mr. Burns: (Chuckles) Only an innocent child could get away with such blasphemy. God bless them all. Amen.
- Permalink: <i>(In a publicity stunt, Mr. Burns is a dinner guest at the Sim...