Bart Simpson Quotes
(Bart and Milhouse say goodbye, as Bart is headed off to Capital City.)
Milhouse: I don't know, Bart. I mean, I'm gonna miss you and all, but--
Bart: Come on, Milhouse. This way we'll be friends forever.
(Bart and Milhouse spit on each other's hands and shake.)
Bart and Milhouse: (In unison) Eeeew!
Bart: I'm gonna miss you, spit brother.
Milhouse: I'm gonna miss you, spit brother.
- Permalink: <i>(Bart and Milhouse say goodbye, as Bart is headed off to Capi...
(In a publicity stunt, Mr. Burns is a dinner guest at the Simpson home.)
Homer: Bart, would you like to say grace?
Bart: Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.
Mr. Burns: (Chuckles) Only an innocent child could get away with such blasphemy. God bless them all. Amen.
- Permalink: <i>(In a publicity stunt, Mr. Burns is a dinner guest at the Sim...
(A stranger happens upon Bart and Lisa as they fish in a pond.)
Dave Shutton: Ah. So, kids, caught anything?
Lisa: Not yet, sir.
Dave Shutton: Uh-huh. Uh, what are you using for bait?
Lisa: My brother's using worms, but I, who feel the tranquility far outweighs the actual catching of fish, am using nothing.
Dave Shutton: I see. And, uh, what's your name, son?
Bart: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
Dave Shutton: (Chuckles) I'm Dave Shutton. I'm an investigative reporter who's on the road a lot, and, uh, I must say that in my day, we didn't talk that way to our elders.
Bart: Well, this is my day and we do, sir.
- Permalink: <i>(A stranger happens upon Bart and Lisa as they fish in a pond...
(Homer leaves for work)
Lisa: Don't spill anything!
Bart: Keep those mutants coming, Homer!
Homer: I'll mutant you.
- Permalink: <i>(Homer leaves for work)</i> Don't spill anything! Keep th...
(Lisa finishes reading The Raven.)
Bart: Lisa, that wasn't scary, not even for a poem.
Lisa: Well, it was written in 1845. Maybe people were easier to scare back then.
Bart: Oh, yeah. Like when you look at Friday the 13th, part one. It's pretty tame by today's standards.
- Permalink: (<i>Lisa finishes reading </i>The Raven.) Lisa, that wasn't sc...
(Kang and Kodos show off the amenities on their spaceship.)
Kang: And over here is our crowning achievement in amusement technology: an electronic version of what you call table tennis.
(Kang shows off a video screen that features the vintage video game Pong.)
Kang: Your primitive paddles have been replaced by an electronic--
Bart: Hey, that's just Pong. Get with the times, man.
Homer: Marge and I played that old game before we were married.
Kang: Well, we did build this spaceship, you know.
Kodos: Anyone from a species that has mastered intergalactic travel, raise your hand.
(Kang and Kodos each raise a tentacle. Bart raises his hand, but Homer slaps it down.)
Kodos: All right, then.
Marge: Sorry. Your game is very nice.
- Permalink: <i>(Kang and Kodos show off the amenities on their spaceship.)</...
(A scene from "The Raven.")
Homer: (Chuckles) Though thy crest by shorn and shaven, thou--
Narrator: I said.
Homer: --art sure no craven, ghastly, grim and ancient Raven wandering from the nightly shore--Tell me. Tell me what thy lordly name is on the night's Plutonian shore!
Narrator: Quoth the Raven.
Bart: (Interrupting) Eat my shorts!
Lisa: Bart, stop it! He says "nevermore." And that's all he'll ever say.
Bart: Okay, okay.
- Permalink: <i>(A scene from The Raven.)</i> <i>(Chuckles)</i> Though thy ...
(In "Bad Dream House," the House talks to Bart in its ghoulish voice.)
Evil Spirit: They are all against you, Bart. You must kill them all. They all must die.
Bart: Are you my conscience?
Evil Spirit: I--Yes, I am.
- Permalink: <i>(In Bad Dream House, the House talks to Bart in its ghoulish ...
(Kang shows off his TV to the Simpsons.)
Kang: On this cable system, we receive over one million channels from the furthest reaches of the galaxy.
Bart: You get HBO?
Kang: No. That would cost extra.
- Permalink: (<i>Kang shows off his TV to the Simpsons</i>.) On this cable ...