Bart: Hey Lis, wanna touch Strangles? He's not slimy at all, he's scaly.
Lisa: (After touching the snake) Eww! He is slimy!
Bart: That's because I soaked him in slime!

Homer: I can't wait for my first fire. Is that one?
Lisa: That's just someone barbecuing.
Homer: Is that one?
Bart: That's a guy with red hair.

Why am I sleeping when right next door is every kid's dream - - a fat, suggestible, zombie dad?

Milhouse: I got it! I got it!
Bart: (catching the ball) I hogged it! I hogged it!

Lisa: Bart, come with me. I'll take you to someone who will make you feel better.
Bart: Is it my rabbit, Cottontail? The one who went to live upstate?
Lisa: He died, Bart. Dad buried him in the backyard. But not in that order.

Bart: Mom, I'm going to give you life the way I imagined you gave me life--by pressing Alt-F5 repeatedly! (His game character places a zapping gaze into her eyes as she's brought back to life, then he groans and drops to the floor)
Marge: Bart, you brought me back to life (Sees her character now exhibits the lower part of a pig) as best you could.
Nelson: HA-HAAH!!! (His character is a human head with pigeon wings who flies overhead, makes fun of her, then bumps into a wall and drops into a torch, getting incinerated in the process.)

Bart: Jumpin' Johnnycakes! Those dames are cheesed!
Homer: Son, I'll never understand women if I live to be 40.
Bart: Big if!
Homer: You said it! Enjoy me while I last. (Both laugh)
Bart: Want to go slam a few beers?
Homer: Want to watch me?
Bart: You know it! (Both leave for Moe's.)

Bart: Anything I can get for you, Lady Milhouse?
Milhouse: I'm not a lady! It's a spell! A spell you said you'd reverse!

(After Bart brought Marge's character back to life)
Marge: Wait till I tell the other moms you gave two-thirds of your life force to save me. What a good boy.
(An angry mob busts in)
Moe: He's weak!
Comic Book Guy: Slay him and take his experience points!
Bart: Wait, stop. If you kill me, I'll egg your houses in real life!
Mrs. Krabapel: It's still worth it!
(She stabs Bart in the eye)

(to Paris Texan) Hey Paris! I saw an ugly part of your body on the internet, your face!

Krusty Doll: Where do kids today get these band names? The Kinks? The Stones? Sounds like my last physical!
Bart: Ha ha, references.

Homer: Aw, our kids use to be so cute.
Bart: Used to?
Homer: Oh, deal with it!

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.