Bart Simpson Quotes
(After the family puts their special items in the safe, smoke begins coming out.)
Bart: What's that comin' out of the safe?
Homer: I don't know--Maybe the Krusty doll accidentally turned on the car's headlights, which focused on the cologne bottle, causing it to boil and soon explode.
Lisa: Dad, that's ridiculous!
(The safe blows apart from the explosion.)
Krusty Doll: What's the deal with this California pizza? If I wanted cheese and fruit--(As it burns from the flames and begins melting)--I'd...have...to...(Melts into a plastic puddle)
Marge: (Devastated when the family album falls apart into ashes) Nooooooo! It's gone! That family album was a record of my accomplishments! It's like what a resume is for a man.
Lisa: I agree, Mom. It's very sad. But we'll have to move on. It's not like we can restage all our family photos.
Marge: (Becoming delighted upon the idea) Restage the photos!
Bart: Lisa you fool, you've doomed us all!
(Marge quickly puts a baby bonnet on him and snaps a shot with her camera as he cries out before she takes a second shot, which is among the first ones seen in the new family album.)
- Permalink: What's that comin' out of the safe? I don't know--Maybe the Kr...
Bart: Lower the draw bridge!
Lisa: What's the password?
Bart: (slowly) I love my sister.
- Permalink: Lower the draw bridge! What's the password? I love my siste...
Lisa: Now we can enjoy Boxingham Palace in peace.
Bart: Want to melt it with a hose?
Lisa: Sure I guess, a couple of birds pooped on it over here.
- Permalink: Now we can enjoy Boxingham Palace in peace. Want to melt it wi...
(Bart and Lisa are playing Ping Pong.)
- Permalink: Ping. Pong. Ping. Pong.
Build a fart, I love it! (Laughs hard)
- Permalink: Build a fart, I love it!
Marge: Bart, honey, this is all we can afford for now. If it doesn't work, maybe when you're an adult you can pay some lady to make you happy for an hour.
Bart: Ya know, I'm pretty sure I will.
- Permalink: Bart, honey, this is all we can afford for now. If it doesn't wo...
They hanged him for murder and buried him in an unmarked grave. When they came back the next day, the whole cemetery was missing!
- Permalink: They hanged him for murder and buried him in an unmarked grave. ...
Lisa: What kind of lunch is this? A drawing of a sandwich.
Bart: All I got is Grandpa's medication.
- Permalink: What kind of lunch is this? A drawing of a sandwich. All I got...
Then I had this crazy dream that my family were all just cartoon characters and that our success led to some crazy propaganda network called Fox News.
- Permalink: Then I had this crazy dream that my family were all just cartoon...
(Bart tries to reject conversation with his therapist.)
Dr. Swanson: Well, I get paid whether you make progress or not. Why don't we just kill the time playing video games?
Bart: (Sarcastically) Yeah right. I bet you got a bunch of learning games. Why don't you go online and find a boyfriend, while I take a nap?
(Bart turns over and lies down on the couch.)
Dr Swanson: Actually, I just got "Death Kill City II: Death Kill Stories!"
Bart: Whoa! You've got DKCIIDKS?! That one's rated bad for everyone!
- Permalink: Well, I get paid whether you make progress or not. Why don't we ...
Bart: Years ago, Stanley DeGroot was a cook here at school. All the kids made fun of him because he never graduated from college.
Kids: Stanley, Stanley, no degree! Two credits short at MIT!
- Permalink: Years ago, Stanley DeGroot was a cook here at school. All the ki...
(Bart and Lisa ride dolphins)
Bart: Mine has a cup holder!
Lisa: That's a blowhole!
Bart: You're a blowhole!
- Permalink: Mine has a cup holder! That's a blowhole! You're a blowhole!
Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
- Permalink: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles tri...
Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
- Permalink: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut! Twenty dollars can buy...