The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXBart Simpson Quotes
Lisa: Bart, come with me. I'll take you to someone who will make you feel better.
Bart: Is it my rabbit, Cottontail? The one who went to live upstate?
Lisa: He died, Bart. Dad buried him in the backyard. But not in that order.
Bart: Anything I can get for you, Lady Milhouse?
Milhouse: I'm not a lady! It's a spell! A spell you said you'd reverse!
Bart: Jumpin' Johnnycakes! Those dames are cheesed!
Homer: Son, I'll never understand women if I live to be 40.
Bart: Big if!
Homer: You said it! Enjoy me while I last. (Both laugh)
Bart: Want to go slam a few beers?
Homer: Want to watch me?
Bart: You know it! (Both leave for Moe's.)
(After Bart brought Marge's character back to life)
Marge: Wait till I tell the other moms you gave two-thirds of your life force to save me. What a good boy.
(An angry mob busts in)
Moe: He's weak!
Comic Book Guy: Slay him and take his experience points!
Bart: Wait, stop. If you kill me, I'll egg your houses in real life!
Mrs. Krabapel: It's still worth it!
(She stabs Bart in the eye)
Bart: Mom, I'm going to give you life the way I imagined you gave me life--by pressing Alt-F5 repeatedly! (His game character places a zapping gaze into her eyes as she's brought back to life, then he groans and drops to the floor)
Marge: Bart, you brought me back to life (Sees her character now exhibits the lower part of a pig) as best you could.
Nelson: HA-HAAH!!! (His character is a human head with pigeon wings who flies overhead, makes fun of her, then bumps into a wall and drops into a torch, getting incinerated in the process.)
(to Paris Texan) Hey Paris! I saw an ugly part of your body on the internet, your face!
Homer: Aw, our kids use to be so cute.
Bart: Used to?
Homer: Oh, deal with it!
Krusty Doll: Where do kids today get these band names? The Kinks? The Stones? Sounds like my last physical!
Bart: Ha ha, references.
(After the family puts their special items in the safe, smoke begins coming out.)
Bart: What's that comin' out of the safe?
Homer: I don't know--Maybe the Krusty doll accidentally turned on the car's headlights, which focused on the cologne bottle, causing it to boil and soon explode.
Lisa: Dad, that's ridiculous!
(The safe blows apart from the explosion.)
Krusty Doll: What's the deal with this California pizza? If I wanted cheese and fruit--(As it burns from the flames and begins melting)--I'd...have...to...(Melts into a plastic puddle)
Marge: (Devastated when the family album falls apart into ashes) Nooooooo! It's gone! That family album was a record of my accomplishments! It's like what a resume is for a man.
Lisa: I agree, Mom. It's very sad. But we'll have to move on. It's not like we can restage all our family photos.
Marge: (Becoming delighted upon the idea) Restage the photos!
Bart: Lisa you fool, you've doomed us all!
(Marge quickly puts a baby bonnet on him and snaps a shot with her camera as he cries out before she takes a second shot, which is among the first ones seen in the new family album.)
Bart: Nooooooo!
Bart: Lower the draw bridge!
Lisa: What's the password?
Bart: (slowly) I love my sister.
Lisa: Now we can enjoy Boxingham Palace in peace.
Bart: Want to melt it with a hose?
Lisa: Sure I guess, a couple of birds pooped on it over here.
Build a fart, I love it! (Laughs hard)
